All Who I ARE. . .

The Kabbalah, practiced before Judaism, states that death is not final.  When the Sages died, they simply went into the next room.  Seekers then could enter and ask their questions and converse.   Scribing was done by the chosen seekers .  I have scribed for a long time and many do and call it automatic writing with many trips to the bank. The difference is on how deeply one is able to focus.  When questioned I was told it is a quirk of mind.  The following was scribed on July 24, 1984.

“I asked. . . was it a different world?  It was.  It was a world where belief had the power of logic, where prayer was direct communication with what was the belief of the time, where the arch angels stepped between man and his desires and procured them for the supplicant.  It was all these things and more.  Man did not roam the earth without anchor at will or put his faith in machines which mimicked his mind.  He conquered what needed to be conquered with the virtue within.  He did these things because he did not know he could not do them.  With all that he was, he could do anything.”  

The following is a conclusion I reached by study and discipline and teaching by good scholars.  The footwork was more than a half century trudged.  Not a happenstance but a Given with due regard.  I have no credentials but offer these to thought and explanation.  It is my logic on our coats of many colors.

Joseph was one of many brothers.  He was special to their father Jacob and was given a coat of many colors.  This coat was envied by the brothers and caused jealousy.  They talked of doing away with him.

The story is already written but what I am Given is a reason for this.  I assume Jacob, the father, was versed in sacred scripture and conversed with peers.  So when Joseph was of age, his father gave him a coat of many colors.  To those of mind, it was because  Joseph had memory of prior lives lived, in skins of many colors for the times chosen and worlds.

This was only a Given after many years of study.   Skin color, race, geography, nationality, all the possessive fractions are these where humans are sensitive and have not worked out personal prejudices due at best to personal grievances.  It is an area of mind and behavior where children are born indifferent and accepting of all and should be a Light to us.  Hate and prejudice are first  lessons taught from the beginning by parental grievances.   It undermines all the insistence teachers preach on the values of love and kindness.  Hate is for a child, gut wrenching, and the cause of much vomiting mornings before school.

My mentor, the Nazarene, could only speak of life everlasting.  To the each, the subject varied and had meaning only to the thoughtful. Others let those who were paid big monies do the discerning.  Logic prevailed and the only viable answer was the skin of many colors. 

I wrote All Who I Am in the  summer of 1982.  It was only recently I ventured the poem onto my blog .  I identified with the black woman running late with breasts  flapping onto bare skin to the anger of the mate waiting . . .related to the man walking his camel in the desert  being harvest for the flies,  identifying with the Polish woman kneading her bread . . . I am relating to all in the poem and knowing them intimately not as second skin, but intimate skin  through many lifetimes.

It will be said that my imagination is vivid.  And that was a Given also, that imagination is memory with icons signifying their substance.  Another time for that subject.  Our memory banks are full of treasures for those who will focus within the closet of themselves for treasure hunting.  The only requirement?

Only a bucket of courage and hopefully a support system.  And lots of Amen and Amen.

1

I Take Your Hand. . .

 

0bservations from an almost 50 year old mother to 3 sons in their late twenties. . . Journaled in June of 1980—— now an aged, almost 91 mother with a very tired head and a compromised immune system sporting a half dozen conditions ready for a nap . . . May, 2022

As a mother, it never occurred to me to ask them if their homework was done.  That was their responsibility.

They never asked if the laundry was done.  That was my responsibility.

Clothes were never a priory with me.  The boys wore long or short sleeve jerseys with khaki pants.  So if they went missing and the police were called, I would not appear dim but could tell them what they wore.  Not the colors,  but the cut of the cloth.

I remember always their joys, their agonies and their laughter and talks.  Memories are the bridge to the futures of progeny.  Best we clean up memories before they begin to leak into futures.

Of recent times  we shy away from pulling up a chair to listen  to a  friend’s or beloveds concerns lest we be practicing medicine without a license.  Mostly it is because we are at a loss because of time or just don’t want the involvement.  And it costs to become emotionally involved with an Other.  Not only does one share the agonies, but one must confront oneself. ( ( true then, sounds  like work?  It is. . ))

There is a superficial comfort to be gained by psychologically labeling a loved one’s problems.  It relieves one of responsibility to help solve the problem.  Or just pretending it does not exist. 

A time before television came into our homes and stole our prime time evenings,  we had  time to sit and chat with a beloved and share ourselves which helped alleviate the explosion of a problem and contained  it within the concerns of two who shared hearts. 

Because the burden was halved it did not erupt and was virtue of love salved with its healing ointment.  A differing perspective was heeded and shown an avenue that shared concerns absolved.  Such was the healing proffered by neighbors and beloveds before the technology invaded lives and took from humans the responsibilities and privileges of being humane.

The pendulum of progress will find its balance but we must seek it.  ((I do not wish to give up my library at hand always with my computer.  Nor do I wish to whiteout the typos my numbing fingers display with earnest and sincere desire for professional work.  Each must draw the lines for ourselves.))  Our respect and love for humanity must be our first concern. 

With rising costs for counseling and medical services,  it behooves all of us to render what we once considered our blessed obligation, to serve one another.  Isolation compounds problems into catastrophes.  We are wise to know which ones we cannot handle.  But drama is what families are about and as life complicates itself and us,  we must again protect prime time for people whose needs are prime.

I Take Your Hand . . . 

Come, I take your hand.
We go to places where
our hearts share dreams.

Sometime back, in histories
having no years,
we trod places where paths
had not been worn.

It was a good time,
seeing how we formed lives
with no lesson plans,
loved with no time
and lived fully aware.

We remember now
when the hands of the clocks
tell us we have only so much time;
only so much to check emails,
to see bank statements,
and to note how many Likes
from those we don’t know.

And only so much time
before the next commercial break
and then we might have time

to love one another?

September 2016

 

 

artwork by 
Claudia Hallissey

 

((comments edited by VRH))

0

You Will Fall In Love With Your Earth. . .

 

Tell me what it means. . .

With the leaking draft of the early consensus of the Roe v Wade controversy,  suddenly confronting me  are meanings of words and phrases I have used and hopefully explained my meanings.  I truly don’t know if my  meanings relate to what you think about the subjects I’ve written.

I would like to know what you think.  Not what you have read that someone else has thought.  No doubt it was the basis of your studies as well as mine.  And then you have spent time in a quiet place and  given yourself to the process of thought.  Over time it helps us form conclusions as well as give more substance to other questions. 

Learning is a full time work.  It is what I hurry to when supper is over and private time engulfs with hours of personal freedom.  Like I, you have taken off work clothes and in comfort admit to the night that you are ready.  For what is a personal choice. 

For me it seems minutes when I  look at the clock and wondering what happened to the evening.  And as I type this, the phrase  `life everlasting’  has meaning for me and I wonder if you have given thought to it.  I wonder what has been added to your understanding and where it has taken you. 

Most of  the people in my  growing  up life were Christians and said the Lord’s prayer every day and some times many times a day.  Included might be life everlasting as taught in Sunday School and said in conclusion to the prayer.  What meaning does it  hold?

It was in a bushel of phrases with the likes of `I remember’ and then, `why do I remember’ whatever has haunted me?  When I did my best, why was my life not working?  Why was I crying and why were they fighting and arguing?  The bushel was filling up fast with questions when I was telling the big people in my life why I did not believe what they said when I knew what I knew.  I was closer to my birth than they were so I remembered.

And when I came to `life everlasting’ it had meaning for me and it began with  forever and ever amen and amen.  And that did not mean lying on a cloud like many believed and were happy about.  It seemed to me that they were happy.

So now I ask you what does `life everlasting’ mean to you.  And how you came to that understanding.  Does it mean forever and ever for you?  Let me know because I am interested.  I don’t look for essays just a comment or two. 

We have been friends for a long time and I value our friendship.

Don’t Stare At The Moon…

Any farmer knows
you don’t stare at the moon too long.
You get a little soft in the head, they say.

What they really mean
is that magic overtakes you
and carries you to the place of green fields,
of orchards heavy with fruit
and cucumbers cultivated straight
as a shot of rye whiskey.

What they really mean is that the magic
will make you see fields to be seeded
and calves to be born
and worlds to be peopled.

What they really mean
is that you will fall in love
with your earth
and in awe watch the wheat weave its gold mat
right over your eyes.

It is a softness of the heart man fears,
for the myth must enforce
the hard head to blunt

the pain of life everlasting.

 

May 1987

art by Claudia Hallissey

2

Because of Love and Balance, not Fear. . .

On December 30, 2017 I wrote the following.  I edit only for space and my comments in the writing since then . . .

I sat with my coffee and thought vengeance is mine saith the lord and took
it to say with my vision, ahhh yeah.  There is balance and I will write it.
Vengeance is mine.  And the need for a greater than who I am god was
necessary   because man was where he was in growth and time.  And to
teach this was a necessity  to have an outside intelligence greater than the
knowledge man felt at the time.

When we take into consideration this balance, a growth commensurate with  the intelligence sparking within, all things will be compensated.  I need to go back to Emerson again to find the words to refresh.  That all things will be balanced. 

And what is taken illegally, unequally, taken and acknowledged as one’s own,  will be consequential  because  the internal balance is weighed and known.   There are consequences because no one gets away scot free.

Mentally cognizant or not, there is a measuring up at some point.  There is no getting away with anything.  Vengeance is mine, sayeth LIFE in total.  There has to be this dictum or life in any form would no longer Be.

Throughout the universes, throughout , there is balance.  There is intelligence that directs and dictates within the freedom of choice.  Hoping against hope, life in any form will choose what is good for the All.  There is no ‘it don’t matter’ dictum.  It all matters and  consequences are attached, individually and collectively.

The reason is growth and there is nothing junked.  Everything is itemized and noted and destined for good. Or we would no longer Be.

I am not credentialed and do not have the proper words.  In January, 2014 I wrote that Intelligence was the primary factor of all Universes.  Nothing taken for granted as a non life because the least seemingly alive has what is still an unknown to look for. It holds desire within to unite with Life and ultimately grow to other forms of intelligence, other forms of life.  I wrote of God In A Rock.

((I see the vengeance is mine concept as life begetting life, not out of anger or fear or desire to best the impossible.  But to allow growth and ultimate life in the best capacity.  And what that capacity will be, we do not know. 

Having ventured onto this particular journey’s path, this step was the eventual one to be taken.  It is not the only path nor only journey, but just as history has shown man’s footwork,  nothing new seemingly is changed, just costumes and language. 

Though physically unfit for this journey,  hopefully please, my intent  articulate.))

 

 

 

2

They Are Reasons and what has taken almost a hundred years. .

Having been a newspaper clipper when living in Michigan with the Detroit Free Press,  I rediscovered  things.  One was Bob Talbert’s article speaking of Monsignor Francis X. former professor and rector of Sacred Heart Seminary and what he passionately preached to his students. . .

Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits.
Watch your habits; they become character.
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.

(and reading texts of an elected Republican on the January 6th insurrection,
asking his henchmen,’ tell me what to say now’ I ask do you not ever think for your self?

And a clip from Neil Chethik’s column when asking his two year old for a blessing on their newly planted garden. . .’ instinctively he put his palm on mine and uttered the only prayer he knows. . .For life and love and all things good, we offer  up our thanks.’

I remember a line from one of the wonderful  women writers I clung to for wisdom on how  to live graciously and sensitively and with knowledge of the goddesses. . .when one of the characters in a book not remembered said  I cannot live in a world where I do not thank someone for this  wondrous life.

When we are inclined to thank SOMEONE for this good fortune, how about  God or Gods or Yahweh or Father or Christ or parent-gods or godparents?    Or the street sweepers or the sanitation workers or LIFE with CAPITALS?

As my favorite poet writes. . ‘the heart translates and makes it all human.’  Amen and Amen.

(being a daughter of the original Jenny and having the jenny genes ensconced, I noticed  that she gave males great latitude and females none.  Her teaching obligation to her children was that fathers could be easily forgiven, but mothers should never be an object of explanation or worse, embarrassment.

In this my frame of thought, I hold everyone stiffly to a high bar.  I know that and also  it is a place of isolation.  The cognizant fact is that we all perform better than we expected we would.  Considering . . everything about us.

I have been the GOAD my commitments pushed against I learn.  I still try to emulate my Mentor.  I hope someone will tell me I do better than I think.

The photo of my grandson and my  youngest great granddaughter are reasons for my life.  It is the grip of the father’s hand on his daughter and the sureness of her stride at not quite two years that tells me  my words and actions have taken heart.

This has been my contribution to LIFE.  I need nor want no other.)

4

Time To Bend At The Knee . . . earth day comes.

It is long past time that we take cognizance of what it is we have done to our Earth planet.   She is still here for us to love and care for.   She is still here for us to give us breath, polluted it may be in some areas, but where we are, hopefully it is clean air.   She gives us water abundantly.   She allows us to live as human beings amidst the best that our livelihood has to offer.   She loves us with a passion.  

But what we have done to her is abominable.  We take advantage of our resources and give nothing back.   A few steps to the recycle bin oftentimes is too far to walk.  But she keeps on loving with no discretion.

Yet we are asked once a year to honor her.   Hopefully this once a year will be enough to embarrass us, make us feel guilty that we change our ways and give honor to her who has been our grounding, our bed of rest and the best classroom in the universe.  

How else to honor this lady, this mother, this teacher?   We must find new ways if we are to preserve our way of life; to continue in this classroom where to have an idea is to make it manifest only as long as it takes us to collect the material.  

There is no other place as conducive to easy learning as this classroom is.   No other place that accommodates us to the degree that our Earth Mother does.   We will chance it every time we decide that the next time we will do better.   The next time there may not be this green Earth.

We are in a crucial junction.   We are where we are because we have neglected our stewardship to care for this place we inherited.   What to do?   How much do we treasure the early morning with the dawn rising clearly and with punctuality?   How much do we treasure our love of our evenings when the sky darkens and the moon sources our light?  As we reach for our Other and hope that what we wish for ourselves is also wished for Others.  

How much do we treasure our rainfalls?  When foods that have risen in price so that the quart of milk a day for the young is too steep a price for good health?   We treasure our way of life.   We treasure what is ours and we hope that our grandchildren’s children will be able to be inspired by the same sun and moon and richness of this green planet.  

We must begin, each again and again.   Our environmentalists have told us time and again what we must do.   We cannot wrap ourselves around the idea that this Earth cannot sustain life as we know it.   If we feel the upsets simply when the weather does not suit us,  let us be aware that Nature too reviles our habits when we do not honor her.  

It is long past the time to change our habits.    The bill is overdue.

*****

(Being a clipper of Detroit Free Press when living in Michigan, two things discovered and cherished. . .from Bob Talbert’s years past speaking of Monsignor Francis X, former professor and rector of Sacred Heart Seminary.

’Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words, they become actions. Watch your actions, they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character.  Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.’

And reading conflicting texts of a now questionable elected Republican on the January 6th insurrection, asking his henchmen ‘tell me what to say now’  I ask do you not ever think for yourself?

And a clip from  Neil Chethik’s column when asking his 2 year old for a blessing on their newly planted garden . . . instinctively he put his palm on mine and uttered the only prayer he knows. . . ‘for life and love and all things good, we offer up our thanks.’

We can remember that prayer for we are inclined to thank SOMEONE for the good fortune that we still breathe.  For starters, God or Gods or Yahweh or Father or Christ or parent-gods of all.  Or simply LIFE with capitals and benign Ethics. 

As my favorite poet writes, ‘the heart translates and makes it all human.’  Amen and Amen. 

 

photo  by
Lori Hallissey

2

Out Of The Evolutionary Rut. . . .

 

Kicking the wheel out of the rut. . . .

After many years of struggle, and a broken heart in  repair constantly, I finally began to peace and to piece my problem when reading the Clan of The Cave Bear.  I know, I have spoken nonstop and written many times of this.  I recommend this book again, please.

Through the years of thought and study and contemplation, and conversation which no one truly wanted to engage in with a ‘why go there?’ mentality, I found an answer somewhat to at least give direction to me.  And a way to broaden my understanding to further enlighten the heavy  concept of evolution.

My inability to understand or comprehend  is not an obstinacy in the individual  to change behavior but their inability to do so.  The minute we ask, how could you whatever, or how could you not . . . whatever, we see the inability of the individual .   And we have to realize then the purpose of life is to learn and to broaden our understanding.  Then the next step leaves no gap in the fabric of the person.

It has caused me great pain throughout my life because I thought it all a matter of will.  The will to change or where to change.  I thought to work harder, longer, and be open to wants, I could then fulfil all obligations and adapt further.  It was not reciprocal of course. 

It did not work both ways.  Only by wanting what my behavior showed,  the Other would hopefully emulate the ways to  gain what they see.  But that we have no control over.

Our democracy has been an encouragement to all people desiring a chance to express and live by their chosen beliefs.  To be bluntly hammered by our elected ones in the previous administration who wish to undermine our democracy in favor of their own power agendas gives rise to obvious selfish choices.  These are not those with inabilities of intellects but conscious choices.

There is a difference.  Inability to comprehend because the footwork of steps not taken to integrate knowledge is one thing.  Conscious choice for power is quite another.  Deliberate policy change of our elected officials must be noted.  And is our responsibility to remember when voting. 

Autocratic governments intent on power is a dreaded thought in  mind as we enter sleep at night.   Most of us are not familiar with the word genocide.  Yet as adults we carry the faces of those pleading for life  burned into our memories with the eleven o’clock news.  The devastation has us reaching for the already half empty vial of nitro glycerine  tablets on the night table.

The inability to comprehend is not part of autocracy.  It is an evil chosen to eliminate a peoples.  Make no mistake in this understanding.

Years of tradition, differences in cultures, climates or locations, all serve  various functions; mainly to help people survive.  And the primary instinct is not to die.  And any change directed toward diversity from what is known is met with hostility.  And ends up with the Other feeling there is something wrong with them.  They are not good enough.  Which gave rise to the beginning question, how could you?

The brain has to open in all areas just to learn to smile, to laugh, to sing, to conceive or grasp concepts.  From the first wail to the last gasp, it is a matter of evolution.  What we learn to do and is grasped by others, will enhance the good or ill of humankind.

Dr Jonas Salk said that since humankind knows pretty much how to survive healthwise, it is past time to concentrate and help humanity to survive humanely.  It is time we learn to practice and learn the kind of precepts that will enhance our abilities to help the less fortunate to survive not only humanely but joyously. 

It is time for all to kick the  wheel of progress out of the mud and give humane evolution a jumpstart.

When we judge, when we vow to get even, when we cast that first stone and break a spirit, life will demand restoration.  Balance is the forgiveness life demands for itself. 

We all want to make a difference.  Created equal?  In a world unnamed yet to us we will be the ones needing patience and help in the rudiments of life we are not familiar with.  It is a matter of learning to become whatever our potential is.  We are diverse, not matched in all ways.  Some things, yes, but all ways, no.

And luckily for us all, there is no final chapter. 

A Lesson in Strawberries. . . . .

I was a young girl of 12 and it was our first summer on The Farm and it was a hard one.   But it also was filled with good food straight from the warm earth.  My mother had a talent for growing things in the city despite its polluted air even 70 years ago; people knew it then to be unhealthy.   But in the clear air of the country, in the soil of her loam filled garden, her talents blossomed as did her crops.

 We were getting produce ready for the stand near the road.   As we were preparing the fruits and vegetables, selling them as fast as we put them out, friends from the city were arriving.  They were diverse characters.  Some were people in her circumstances with many children and little money.  A few were wealthy but the outstanding characteristic of all these relationships was mutual respect.

Toward the late afternoon, I was tired and whiny.   The source of my irritation was the fact that my mother was giving to her friends, without charge, the best and finest of what we were putting out.   A bushel of potatoes here, quarts of strawberries there, a basket of fresh vegetables here.

But the strawberries were my argument.  I loved them and the ones she grew were the reddest, juiciest and largest I had ever seen.   They were sweet clear through and the dream stuff of that first June on The Farm.  With the heavy cream separated from the rich milk the excellent cows gave, these were mine she was giving away.  The strawberries summed up my resentment.

‘You can’t keep giving away our profits!’ I said. ‘You have given away half of all our produce!’

She turned to me and in a voice I have not forgotten with the lesson that has stayed with me.

‘These are mine’, she said.  ‘I will do with them what I please.  These are for me to give away if I want to.  No one can tell me who to give to.  My friends may never do anything for me but if one of them does some thing for my children or my grandchildren,  then that will be payment for  me.’

I have thought often of that lesson in gift giving, in giving what is yours.  In the course of my days, when someone did something for me I did not expect, there was the lesson in strawberries.  When so much has been done for our children by their friends and ours, the lesson in strawberries comes up.

When time, whole weekends of time, have been given to sit with a sick child, to listen to an impoverished spirit, to make dinner when the task seems insurmountable and appetite non-existent, to do any of these when time has become our most precious commodity, it is a gift of Spirit.  When a check arrived unexpectedly from someone whose only reason was ‘I remember how I would have felt to have received this’ or the someones who oftentimes helped our children through school because ‘it was done for me.’

I thought of the lesson in strawberries.

As I review a life where so much has been done for me and mine, from sources unexpected, I am grateful for the lesson in strawberries.   My mother gave what was hers to give, what she worked for and gave freely.  She was paying it forward long before the idea became novel.  I do not forget.

When we are asked to pay forward for gifts given and received, we must remember the lesson this lady of ten thousand lions strong leveled me.  As the world works and fights to uphold democracies all over,  we must remember from where most of us come.  

I see my grandmother in the wrinkled old faces that I find mirrored every day.  With tears pleading simply to go home.  Will I forever see Richard Engel embrace that lined face younger than I am with a history I will never match?  And a devastated country fractured beyond recall surrounding? 

Let us pay it forward so the children’s children do not have to assuage our anguish forever.  Pray let it be so.

 

The Cost Of War. . .don’t get me started. . .

The Cost Of War. . .Knotted Family Ties. . .

She was little more than a toddler.  She was plain, even mousy by standards of beauty deemed for the very few.  Stringy hair, hazel eyes with poor sight even and not the porcelain English complexion esteemed by her heritage.  Left with her brother in Scotland while her mother set out for Canada to set up housekeeping for a husband wounded in the first world war and sent to a Toronto hospital for care. Left too long for the toddler, for when she and her brother were sent to travel the ocean with hired friends, she arrived to find herself no longer the center of interest.

Arriving to find a new sister, with blue eyes, curly blond locks and a porcelain skin already called ‘doll’ because of her exquisite English heritage.  Welcomed the first sister was with acknowledgment that she was a big sister to look out for the ‘doll’.  Her cry was ‘I’m little, too!’ and would be for almost a hundred years.

Heartbreaking, but pathetic also, to the generations listening powerless to untie the knots that were tied by circumstances only those who tied them could untie.  To hear an octogenarian  begin every explanation of her life with those words, ‘I’m little, too!’ and need to be parented by everyone regardless of age was an uncomfortable position for everyone.   Requiring always to be center, even when birthing her only child and stealing from his father the parental love and caring necessary for his growth.

The girl toddler grown aged never made peace even with her own son.  Always displaced she was, shunted aside for every newly minted child coming into the family.  Hers was a life of pampering the aging psyche forever the child by a husband who could care for only one.  He learned too late for him with no time left, the unhealthy conditions for everyone.  And how what was not done left the shouldering of burdens on the unsuspecting coming into the family.

We learn ‘suffer the little children’ with the words taking root and no one thinking that the conditions of the beatitude would take forever to unearth.  No one thought we would perpetrate upon our progeny burdens that would make leaden their feet and prevent growth.  We would fertilize beliefs that we must assuage the anguish of the ancestors and give them what was owed.  Hence we prepare the ground for more bloodshed.

Do circumstances of our lives provide the fodder for weapons of war and peace and goodwill are the two weeks of grace given as reward at the end of the year?  I don’t think that was the intent when the prophecy was fulfilled.  We have to grow up sometime.  Else the stagnation persists and evolution is halted.  Think on it.  This small instance of one little girl is multiplied forever anon.  The cost of war?  Don’t get me started.. . .

Excerpt from the
Knotted Family Ties. . .

I close the shutters and pull up the steps.
I learn to live in my own house.
I stay my time and do what is mine.

Jesus, it hurts to watch and be able to do nothing.

See Same Things But Worlds Are Different. . . .

 We look at the same things we say.  The things we look at are there, but what we see is not the same.  I repeat again the time I was asked by the psychiatrist when my world crashed what I saw going down Michigan avenue.  I closed my eyes and told him and when done he whistled through his teeth and said, ‘you realize that other people do not see what you see.’  And when I was silent said, ‘you don’t.’

All my life I tried to be like others and thought I was.  But was constantly told to be careful what I say.  My mother first cautioned me and I did not know why until I heard her justifying to her priest, denying her teaching me what I talked about.  ‘I don’t know who teaches her!’  Except I was a kid and did not have a social life outside of grammar school. 

I was a farm kid in my teenage years and rode the bus to school with my siblings and came home with them on the same school bus. 

My love of learning prevailed and I later tutored my fiance  thru Officer Training (while we were in Military life).  Married at 20 and pregnant for the first three years, I did the homework for my husband (straining to support us) for his Master’s social work with good reviews and marks saying homework essays were good thinking and outside the box with A’s.

Since we depended on the public for our living, I was cautioned daily to watch what I said so as not to lose public support.  Three years in a new city with little money and no family to call on and being parent on premise and home maintenance manager left me a shambles.  Rebuilding began.

I have written about journaling and study so I have notes, over a half century  of them  backing my writing. My perception has always been criticized because I assumed I saw what others saw.  I will be 91 in May and I have finally made peace with what I see.  And what I hear.   Why has it taken almost a hundred years? 

Our family friend John says maybe my survival depended on my thinking I was not different and yet this difference in perception allowed me to live.  The bareness of others’ sight would have killed me.  Just as criticizing my interpretation of what others are saying, by elevating their thoughts, I give them the highest meaning I know.   To hear another say that was not what was meant. . but that was what I heard.  I must believe what I see and hear.  My life depends on whether it is a real car I see jumping the curb.

I scribe my teachers calling  my perception kaleidoscopic.  I will quote from a journal entry editing best as I can aspects of what has taken me almost a hundred years to live with and now talk about. 

The journal date is Oct 24, 1991. It came about with a dream of Pewabic pottery of which I knew nothing.  I  scribed. . . 

You were working with tiles and with the pottery  from a distant past.  The materials were not as ancient as you depict simply because they were of borrowed times.  When speaking of borrowed times, within the past  and present, or past and future there is a melding that defies the linear description common to where you are.  If we take the computer where you sit and work and transport it to another time, it would not have the functions  but the rudiments would be the same.  Ability to work with the hands would be utilized  and the time differential would be such that there would be little difference except in the illusion, i.e.materials.

Even the seepage would be there, the machine and in some form a part of where you would be, and what you would be doing.  Hence the term, bleed through.  It seems that this area of thinking is common to you and presents so much difficulty for you see what you see from a kaleidoscopic view bringing into focus bits and pieces of several dimensions.

It is a difficult state to be in but you can utilize this by taking a more comprehensive look at things and bringing to it what you can see with eyes that work a bit differently.

It would seem that from a distance all would be of a piece, but when the eyes view a particular scene with so much input from other dimensions, a new dimension is thus created.

You would then find others dismiss as inconsequential what you see, which is not the case.  For what you see is many dimensional and the differing perspectives that you propose would do much to enhance the ability of others to understand those things needing a larger premise.

But when you describe your Pewabic dream you already ask the question what were you doing there and when was this.  You already have the ability to ensconce yourself in the time frame you wish to work.  Dreaming is the dimension where you learn what it is you do and bring your abilities to bear.  You utilize the classrooms everywhere and mesh with folks of the times.  They know you and wish for your coming.  You speak their languages and understand their desires speaking to their hearts.  We ask too, how does she do this?  By thrusting your heart into place and using it as your springboard.

What we ask now that you present this from such a limited piece of a dream so vividly, that you take the information and relay it.  Do not lay down the tools you have been given.  Time now to give to others some semblance of stability in a time of no normalcy.’

It seems like it has been a walk in the park.  It has not. This has been the hardest life lived.  David asked just before he left us how did I know to do it?  Do what, David, what did I do?

I was born with an open head and remembered the world that  taught me my word is my bond, my honor, my trust and my love. Where other worlds here are questioned, it is hard to know of other worlds and pretend you don’t so they won’t call you crazy.  But to go to church with hope that the God you believe in speaks true of life everlasting, no one questions .

Someone cared enough to stay the route and showed me what unconditional love was.  The lesson was taught well because it has been the rod that held me upright.  I don’t remember the teacher but obviously that Someone was a good teacher.  The lesson took but the teacher was the example with no name.

Kaleidoscope perspective pertains to a new way of seeing.  I did and therefore you will do also.  The Jenny genes lodged in all of us and it has been a hard row to go.  The numbers are many and some have been tragic.  Hopefully the successes when counted will be many.  Familiar?  Evolution is what it is called.  Do for one and all will do.   

But apply this precept to other forms of life.  Like to that of birds or other creatures who do momentous things.  The question arising, is how do they do that?  Or why?  See where it takes one?  The learning never stops and life becomes a virtual wonderland.  Try it on for size. 

Trust me, boring will not be a word you use.

 

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