It was my favorite holiday of gratitude. Family friends were visiting so on the day we were seated at the linen covered table with an extension to accommodate everyone. The children this year wanted to be at the same table.
Close elbow to elbow for this gala occasion. Excitement was high as the turkey was carved. To my left was our youngest seated on a stool to accommodate his seven years. He loved what he called the dressed up table with white linen and best silver.
In the midst of the jubilation a hand swung out in excitement and over went the goblet with the cranberry juice spilling its brilliancy against the white linen. Panic and horror swept the young face and tears spilled as well as the juice. I can’t do anything right! he cried.
I immediately hugged him and said it was an accident love, just an accident. We mopped up the excess with paper towels and see? We will cover the stain with another linen napkin. And we did and refilled the goblet and dried the tears.
We learned that the word accident was made especially for these kinds of incidents. We learned also that when things happen with no malice aforethought they can be called accidents. And we deal with them.
Talk immediately resumed with enthusiasm and the incident was not remembered by him. No keloid tissue formed for there was no scar of a moment that might have destroyed his growing abilities in his hands’ craftsmanship.
The words of recrimination had no business being in the mind of this beloved child and they made me angry. Who would have cursed a child to burden a sensitive aware psyche?
My anger took the form of a lifelong journey into the heart of me having aroused hidden anguish propelling me from childhood with the same agonies of why I could never please the people I loved most. There were the admonitions always, called constructive criticisms now, to improve who I was. Even when I was doing my best and working as hard as I could.
It drove me to the world of books and study that never dimmed for me. I learned and keep learning why we cry as my youngest did, why can’t I do anything right! What propels us in this best of all classrooms to keep trying and doing as Yoda said. Don’t just try, do!
Worlds await to accommodate what we learn. We become what we feed our minds.
(excerpt from
Phillip Framed the Mystery. . .)
Our tears filled the rivers with fatigue
which filled the oceans with frustration
as the fruits of our fields were dispersed.
All the while we continued to labor
for redemption.
Aaahhhhh. . . the mystery?
Who first told us we were not good?
(primitive art by Veronica)