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I remember walking from the garage to the house and  wondering if my mate would see the work  I did in the yard that had taken me till dark to do.  And I was thinking of the Christmas tree I had once put up, sawing off the trunk to fit the holder,  stringing blue lights and also the decorating everything had required.  All this and even the latter was thought walking the path to the house.  The blue lights of the tree in the new room window were vivid in the dark.

And the thought occurred walking that it was in error that I thought I did these things.  And the error was in thinking that they were done to gain the praise and gratitude of the one I had in mind.  It was not the Other whose praise I wished.  It was none other than my Self I did my best and worked to please.

The scenes I wanted to duplicate were the ones I had in memory.  From where or what world I did not know.  But from a somewhere and sometime that burned into my brain their beauty and with the love for me that somehow came as an apriori, a before that kept me warm.

When I saw this photo from Emma E’s grandfather, who said that the great granddaughter decides whole scenes with great grandma’s tapestries,  adding a house, birdhouse, raffia  and sea shells with very real symbols, I know what is withdrawn from that memory bank.

Important to me is the care given to creating what is done from mind’s bedding.  Lately I am keenly aware of the casual dismissal of what is made and what little thought is given.  And it seems any effort is called creative no matter how thrown together something is. 

It offends me greatly because if it is worth doing, there should be pride in workmanship when done.  Time and physical effort called sweat should accompany what one presents as one’s work with name attached.  Some things are done as exercise of an idea and should be our fun.  Creative presentments should have standards that are measurable. 

Our schoolrooms once taught these standards.  Realizing that many felt outside what was accepted and were singed by the standards should  open one for further study and practice to make better. 

And learn that we are not the only way station but our further journey will yet show us sparklers.

In reading Bedlamfarm.com about simple changes in their three dogs leading to a concern, it brought to mind this whole pandemic we have been tangling with.  Not only our concern with humanity but with the creatures we live with. 

I am certain we have had more differences of opinions these past two years than we contend with and no resolution.  The fact that there is question among us concerning what we should do definitely with humans leads to questions about our four legged companions.

We wonder if we have a cold or Covid or possibly underlying complications from conditions compromising us.  Is our Newfie upset because we’re housing the sister dogs or is it something in the water?  Why all the accidents with bathroom habits when I am home all day? 

And why all the landscaping upsets and gross eating outdoors?  When our Newfie blew out his hind legs demanding surgery on both, son John toted pool water breakfast and dinner times for a month while Leroy was in the hospital.  Because Leroy wouldn’t drink city water, nor eat the kennel hospital food.  Otherwise of course he is no trouble and he was a free dog.  There is no such thing we learned.

The opinions diverse.  When something becomes a pandemic, common sense tells us that our companion animals are affected too.  We are not protected from wild creatures  hugging the earth that roam the landscaping and climb the walls to get inside the yards where the good stuffs are.  I watch lizards scoot up the cinder block fences and squirrels still playing havoc with dogs still trying to jump 8 foot walls.

And the 200 times better noses on the dogs sense the gross droppings from night creatures eating better than they are they think.  I still think it is partly the pool waters.

Many of the homes nearby have backyard pools.  And it means that whole communities are treated for what ails us.  I luckily talked to the pool man and asked if changes had been made and his immediate question was what are you noticing and troubled with? 

I said loose bowels habits and upsets in our creatures.  He said we have increased muriatic acid because of the pandemic as well as other measures.  I told him I had been running the hose into the small spa section of the pool where the big guy drinks.  He agreed it wise to do so when he treats the pool. 

I understand water is the most affected during any crisis that affects the community.  And animal hospitals are first aware of this.   It is written about in most veterinary literature.  I am observant. 

I have no written credentials but my eyes still work.  I am wont to make connections and since I spot first what needs cleaning up.   Sorry, it is what I do.   I care for what is alive and even sometimes not.

photo by Jessie Hallissey

  . . . .I got to thinking about this dream that made this world and all in it.  I have been thinking about Michael Talbot who figured out that this was a holographic universe and everything in it was a soup kitchen.  Soupy and until we looked at it to name it and because we identified it, it turned into matter.  So the soupy mess never stayed that way because the minute we looked at it,  it became more solid. 

And the noises surrounding all this identifying and naming and  photographing we couldn’t because we found  also that when identified everything soupy had potential.  Even if we thought there was no life in it, the bottom line to subatomic particles is that there is no divisive factor.  Everything is non divisive,  is united or clinging to their almost likeness because there is a desire to bring forth life I think, in The All or Life or what we think Sacred. 

What I was trying to say years ago in Connecticut when Hal and Ann(our minister friends)  came to dinner was that there is God In A Rock.  That even when we dismiss non life we simply do not have eyes to see everything and what we are dismissing as non viable may indeed be submerged and we don’t have those eyes yet to see.  Because all that we acknowledge is what we are able to relate to.  

As I read the Talbot book what is seen is the top layer of what we look for.  And Researcher Bohm by his proclivity  says that the deeper secrets still are not evident.  We only see what we look for.  So we can only discuss the soupy texture of the Universe and what we hope to see is what is composed of this soup.

As  we evolve we create the reality we identify as we swim in it and rewrite it.  We draw summations of what we experience and view but we cannot project what conclusions can be drawn from the parts.

The good Science does is that it tries to compute how things began but we draw conclusions from what is experienced and what has been glimpsed.  The full potential is not yet disclosed.  And what we are open to.   The potential is in its becoming.

Perhaps as Susan Howatch wrote some philosophers believed that human nature cannot grasp the concept of reality at all. 

My dream of our David after his death was as he came down the street while I was moving the water hose on the front lawn.  I said David you are alive and well and he said it is a wonder.  Heaven  makes  as many mistakes as he had,  David said.

And the reason for the mistakes is that as long as there is growth, no conclusions are drawn because it is incomplete, everything inconclusive and offers potential growth.  Is anything ever finalized?  Surely beyond my frame of thought.  But as long as there is a one who thinks he can make a difference, can we close anything off?   

Especially if the ending is not determined to have a final potential.  Or is final potential an oxymoron?  It can be understood that our desire for manifestation of our mind’s produce gave way to this world’s creation.  Was there direction foreseen with boundaries within moral and ethical choices?  Was there a sense of sexual morass or proclivity to it all?

We have seen human behaviors manipulated as so much silly putty in the hands of  children.  And we have seen the reality show onstage and have seen applause inhaled as so much addictive substance. 

We couldn’t believe what we were seeing because it was not in our frame of reference.  But it blew our minds and we are all wounded.  We have not recovered and wonder if we ever will.

photo by  Mark Jacobson

Perhaps Doris Lessing and I would not be close friends because of commitment.  But I can and do admire her brilliance with the written word and some of her ideas.  Two  things of value stand out.  The first is of  long standing and I spent hours locating this source only to find it at midnight in a steno book I happened to pick up before closing shop.

From her book Sirius. . . Laws are not made.  They are inherent in the nature of the galaxy. .of the universe.. . . After a lifetime of independent study, another of my conclusions is  that laws are inherent in the nature  of all life.  It is folded into a conclusion I had reached early on that man is basically good because man is basically god, (divine).  If this were not so we long ago would have gone down the tube and stayed dead never to rise. 

There is the thought that good can be derailed for a time, but to dismiss and be murdered forever cannot happen; because of the inherent good, basic good in life itself.  As the saying goes, god don’t make no junk.  Because of our narrow focus, our conclusions are not fully realized .  When the larger picture is ours, different conclusions will also be ours. 

Standing where we are, whether the terms are God or Life, Yahweh, or Father or Science it all yields truth as far as we can acknowledge, especially if our actions show that our lives bear witness to what we espouse.  And  our actions enhance humanity, there is little argument.

The next quote I found in researching Lessing.  “Very few people really care about freedom, about liberty, about the truth, very few. Very few people have guts, the kind of guts on which a real democracy has to depend. Without people with that sort of guts a free society dies or cannot be born.”

This is a loaded statement because most  people live lives nested in fear.  And the fear takes many  forms in job loss, prestige, threats, money, and whatever turns us immobile when our buttons are pushed.

It takes a courage unbelievable to have the knowledge of how to correct a problem and yet to work around the known frailties of humans involved to prevent an eternity of more anguish to shovel.  One’s own integrated knowledge can be managed and democracy chooses her heroines and heroes.  Welcome Frances Haugen!

We see a congress of able bodies leveled and paying homage to a whiny loud voice.  For shame., for shame. . . 

artwork by Claudia Hallissey