At Fifty One

This morning I took spade in hand
and dug the young and fragile marigolds
out of their crowded rows
and thinned them out.

With dowel in hand
I lifted these slender stems
into holes I designed for them.
I eased their change in residence
under a cloudy sky promising rain.  It did.
And their trauma was lessened
and their root protected
and in confidence they grow.

Yesterday I gave birth to new ideas.
Was it only yesterday?
I handled with great care their birthing.
I planted and thinned and transplanted
and kept them from flying
when they had no wings.
But when it was time,  I let go lightly.

Now it is another birth-day.
I will shed roles chosen and
and choose new ones.
I open myself to new ideas
and wear them hesitantly.
I will tell you of my journey
to this space in which
I find myself at fifty one,
knowing I am Creator and Creature both.

Having birthed ideas
whose essences are cosmic,
having nurtured the earth’s marigolds
whose roots are hers
and to know in the moment
how beautiful and right
it all is . . . . .

and could never be otherwise.

1982- even then I knew it to be my life’s journey-work



Conscience is
a mouth guard I wear
to keep my heart from spilling
onto the cold, hard ground.
I would want my words
to meet your thoughts,
to brighten your furrowed brow
and dismiss the fear
from your eyes.

But only when I see
an invitation to speak
will I let loose the guard.
This is what I want to do.
All I need is one moment
of invitation and I run
like a greyhound chasing
the tail of a rabbit.

See me chancing
to have you run with me
when all I wish is a someone
even for a brief moment saying

I meet you here.



A Time For Making Peace

It is a time
for making peace. . . .
for actions that struck
the core of the heart. . . .
for words that sucked life
out of a body
still intent on breathing.

Those were actions and words
that should have been vented
when anguish and outrage
stole the child’s innocence.

And now with
the ends of the circle tightly knotting,
we quietly say our thanks,

for the Grace given
by understanding hearts
in the heat of the fire;
of love ventured into arms
needing the close embrace
of a forgiving Other.

It all comes full circle.
We step out and
the merry go round stops for a time.
Until again,

our zest for life is renewed.

May, 2013


Teaching The Children

photo (8)The snowflakes were just barely visible when the younger looked hopeful and asked if we could make a snowman.   Well I said, there really had to be a lot of snow on the ground before we could roll it up into a ball and make a snowman.   But we could stay up later he said and wait for the snow to fall.   But I said to him that there is school tomorrow and to stay up late was not a good idea.   Then I asked him how important was it that we make a snowman.   And he looked at me in puzzlement and said,  but how could we have Thanksgiving and Christmas without snow?  I said but what about the children who lived in places that were hot all the time and what did he think they did?   He was silent for some time and then said quietly, they make believe, don’t they?

Tell me,  I said, what do they make believe?  Like I do he said when I am sad or I wish for something that doesn’t happen.   I make believe in my head that what I wish for is real and then play like it is real and pretty soon,  I am happy.   Do you do that often, I asked and he said lots of times.   Especially when I am hurting inside or wisht with all my might for something and even I know all my might won’t make it real.  But then the hurt goes away when I make believe  and I am not sad anymore.   Well, I said , this I can promise you.   When the snow piles up to just two inches,  and I showed him how much that was, we will make as big a snowman as we can.   We will roll and roll until the ball gets bigger and bigger even I said if it takes up the whole yard.   Like higher than me, he asked?   And I said higher than you.   And then I hugged him and thanked him for telling me how he made himself happy when he hurt inside.

How did you learn to do that,  I asked.   And he said I watch-ed you.

(The wall quilt can be hung on the wall or framed.   It is approximately 10 inches square and is for sale for $25.00, shipping included.   It is a printed fabric and a delight to look at.  Click on the wall quilt and it will be brought up front and center.)


About The Journey, The Process

One brother told his other brother and underscored that the journey is the only thing, the process if you will,  is the only thing worth the struggle.   And I found the following notes in my work from the Teacher and the Teacher said:

To be able to come to this conclusion, truly is what we work at.   All else are diversions.   All else are those things which are but a tangent of the premise.  Either one finds it for oneself or one does not find it.  Either it is learned in the process or one escapes it entirely and finds that the carrot is not all that good tasting and one must find another carrot.

The goal is unimportant.   The goal is such that it can change and with the change the sweetness is not what one thought.  When you spend a lifetime not swerving from your position,  staying where you are, in the searching you find yourself.  It brings a feeling of compromise with the Earth,  with the Heavens and with yourself.   And the compromise finds you a step ahead with brotherhood in the making.   A step that will bring to the unborn not a feeling of intensity of destroying all the old but one of building where they are and finding a depth, a richness and a spirituality just where they are.   It is not only the way of the world.  It is the way of the universes, for life is everlasting.  To learn the rudiments, to learn the process, puts the mystery back where it belongs.   Within the Godhead and in the Being who is part of the Godhead.

We don’t separate the Being from the Godhead.   We don’t separate Man from God.  We bring it all down to where we are or lift ourselves up to where it is being played out in all dimensions.  We catch glimpses of it all and then because we cannot pursue it in depth,  must be satisfied with glimpses.

Some are given greater glimpses, more in depth visions of greater scope.   But what it all means is that from where we are, to pursue in depth what it is we require brings the greater vision to us and gives greater meaning to who and what we are.  This then is the journey, the process.   We then are able to reflect it in who we are and what we do.   The process being the most important, observations being of immense proportions because of the intensity designated.

It is no small thing being done, small though it looks.  But appearances are not all.   Appearances are the mirror of what is done elsewhere doing what one is supposed to do in order to discover what one can about oneself.  There is a purpose in the learning when it is applied to all areas of life.   And much to be learned that applies to philosophy as a whole.   We take this day with this knowledge and proceed.   We cannot hold anything back but give forth of all that we are to what it is we do and react to.   We plough the field in our own way so that when the plough is lifted, there is no reason to look back.   We will have made straight furrows and there will be no reason ever for another to look and say that the furrows were crooked.   Not when we have given our best throughout and have thought through and worked through the process.

Much is given and since the majority stand where you are in upbringing and commitment and priorities and not in the forefront of the entertainment world,   this is where the work is.   It must be done in the kitchens , in the bedrooms and in front of the fire if it is to work anywhere.   And the root system must be looked at and taken into account.   And the individual’s own responsibility and their accountability is held to be the measure.   Without knowing what it is we do, without being consciously present in the life of one, by the ability and strength that comes from release and healing, one is able to step into an other’s shoes and help to show that there is a solution,  there is a way to freedom that comes, but only when the footwork and only when the material learned is integrated.  One does not integrate a human race, not even on a civil level truly unless the individuals are integrated within themselves.  It is hard to accommodate an Other within one’s circle when one’s world has not been able to accommodate one’s Self.

It is necessary to be civil for civilization not to erupt and go down the tube again.   But not until there is true accommodation for who and what one is,  and forgiveness, can there be peace at the table where one is,  whether it is the dinner table or the conference table.   We talk about a unification,  about a healing in the dichotomy of man.

Let us pursue it further and go about doing it.

(My gratitude is immense.)


Lessons Need Repeating

catsSometimes things happen and one does not know quite how things either took a decided turn or what we did to make something happen.   It seems that since I decided what I wanted to do with my wall quilts,  life happened or intervened and Poof!  my plans went astray.   I relearned several things though.   One is that if something is meant for you,  you will not be able to avoid it.   And secondly,   if it is not meant for you,  nothing you do will make it happen for you.   That sounds like a fatalist,  but it is not meant to be.   If you consider yourself a worthwhile and integral part of this world or planet,  then you know you are not  an incident that just happened,  but a predetermined spark put here precisely in this time and space.   And that means that a  Somebody or your God has you in sight and life is indeed a challenge but a treasure as well.   I also learned that perseverance means a great deal.   Even when you think that if you straighten up your back will crack.  It simply means that the question is being put to you,  how hard would you work or keep at something till knowledge is yours,   or when would you know to quit and at what point.   I speak as if Somebody is in charge and to answer that question means that you have to do a lot of footwork.   It is a challenge and worth it.   But the truth is that  it is never too late to start the footwork.  I finally finished this first Christmas wall quilt,  a bit smaller than first thought,  but finished.   It certainly tested my Christmas state of mind.    But it is for sale and if you are interested,  let me know here.


State of Mind

photo-1 (4)What I try to portray when doing wall quilts is an understanding of a time that may not exist in our time frame but does exist in memory.  It may be of our memory locked in our memory vault or belong to our ancestors.  It may not matter at all.  But when the memory comes alive in us and changes us either to better ourselves and our world or remind us of something else that once was significant,  it indeed then becomes important.  It happened somewhere to be lodged in us.   That is good enough for me.

These new quilts will be mini quilts, able to be framed.   The tree that I am working on is of vintage Christmas prints.   When I unpacked this quilt after our move here, that I had been working on and saw the  night sky blue background,  my heart sighed AAAhhhhhh.  This is the Heaven I see.

The measurements of this quilt are slightly larger than the mini quilts which will be 5″ by 7″  or 8″ by 10″.   This one is 15″by 17″.   If you are interested, contact me here.   It is not too early for me to start my Christmas quilts.   Christmas is my state of mind.   This quilt is $38.00 plus $5.00 shipping.



There is a need I see and
hurry to respond to before
calamity mounts and doubles the work.

You are driven by forces
different than mine and your gaze
dismisses the need I see.

Your eyes focus instead on another sight
which my eyes fail to see;
completely outside my frame of reference.

How is it our worlds differ so much
and yet are compatible enough
not to collide?

There is much to agree on;
much that has us separated,
yet even knowing this,

doubt makes us suspicious of others.
Worlds are born and remade by those like us.
We blur our edges to mesh smoothly.

We realize too late,
that in each head there is a world afloat
hoping for life everlasting.

Wars rage and people agitate
to fight ancient battles, to quiet ancient maladies,
but we are too old now, so pray,

they do not stir the ashes to bring forth another fire.
And on this we agree;
there are no more sons and daughters to spare.

Mothers and fathers are all cried out.

July, 2013


Found Courage

I ask,
Where did you find your courage?
On what tree was it hanging
that you could reach up
and pluck it from its hiding place
to wear as epaulettes
on your shoulders?

The children whisper during the night,
saying their Aves to each other,
hoping they will grow into courage
with a red badge to wear.

You say,
They are blinded.
They cannot see their milky courage
like cream rising to the top;
one day to surge
through alerted senses
that call for unthinkable strength.

They have been practicing every day
since they were born.
They will learn that courage
comes with each breath taken
and like the freedom they take for granted
must be won every day.
One day they will find it wears

like a second coat of paint.

July, 2013


We Can Go Home

When you have swum the rapids
and come to shore, stood on the sand
and found yourself upright . . .
what more can there be?

Perhaps,  only to sing an aria
from a heart overwhelmed
by a love researching his own heart. . .

only to find newborns who are
the best of blends of mothers and fathers,
(loved wisely and well), with heads wide open. . . . .

to find a world that was as promised,
with roses blooming in December and
Thanksgiving on the first day of Spring.

It is these and more
and when the cardinal sings
I will acknowledge his song to show
that a life can be lived with a mind open
to hear muses sing their songs of joy and
pray their mourning songs.

To show that a heart can be
stripped of itself like layers of onion skin
and still keep a steady beat.

I’ve taken the long way home and
nearing the gate, please catch me, I say
and pull me on through.
I will answer c’est moi,  it is I,

to prove we can go home again and again.

July,  2013


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