No Comfort

I don’t as a rule write of personal feelings, though for those who read my work, they would argue that my feelings are evident.   I wish to comment on a favorite blogger whose site is Full Moon Fiber Art.com.   She is Maria Wulf and she posted Loving Rocky.   It is a big decision she and her husband are working on.  The only thing I can say is that the road is steep and the way is narrow.

There was a decision of a major one we made when it was time to put down our companion dog,   Prince.   He was our companion in every way.   The cancer came quickly and after a hospital visit with a vet who was an expert in this particular disease, his diagnosis was clear and concise.   He said there would only be pain left in Prince’s life.   The day was set for his deliverance from his condition.   We would put him down.

When the day came I thought I cannot do it again.   My husband was going out the door and I stood by the south window and could not bring myself to go.  We were still dealing with emotions from recent events.   I turned around to look at Prince and as clearly as if the words were spoken out loud they were heard inside my head.   ‘You are not going to make me do this alone, are you?’  His eyes were pinned on me and they were clear and he was ready.   I found myself saying out loud, ‘of course not.’  I followed him out.

Did he say those words or was it only my thinking that he did?    If it were possible for this dog to speak, these were his words without a doubt.  I was his person and he spent his life with me.   How could I not be with him for this last act of devotion?   There are those of us who at times are given words or thoughts when something is demanded either of us or those we love.  And there are people who will always say that we read too much into things.   These are people who do not hear the cry in crisis nor their unspoken words.  Perhaps those of us who live lives with feelings on our sleeves and our heads wide open are the ones that heaven finds easiest to get to do what needs be done.   If this is so, we say, almost to a fault,  consider it done.

When you are hurting, it is no comfort at all.    But we can do no other.

 

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The Weight Of Words

There are words not in fashion these days.   The words are so old they are perhaps Victorian.   Words like honor and commitment.  When these words are used by someone who truly understands the weight of words, there is a time of hesitation, of expectancy and a heart stopping moment that puts the word into a time frame resulting in a memory.   We may forget the deed or the one who used the word, but we will forever know the true meaning of these words.

The meaning of commitment in this day seems to have flown out with all the trendy verbiage that seems to inundate the ethers.  The word itself brings to mind a feeling of duty along with the knowledge that here is something expected of us or our work.  It is asking something of us.   We are involved with the word.   We must take upon ourselves all that we are in performing whatever it is that we have either created or are  part of.   Whatever our work, our marriages or our children, we are party to them and our responsibility should not be in question.   We know the meaning of the word because someone loved us enough at some time in a some place and taught us what commitment meant.   We may not remember the teacher but if we know the word and meaning, the lesson was well taught.

It means that we were worth the lesson.   It means that someone cared.   And we are here, now in the midst of the work and we know our responsibility.  This does not mean that abusive relationships should be tolerated.   What this does mean is that in the ordinary course of our lives there will be those things which we will want to opt out of.  Too hard, too messy, and no glamour.  Certainly we deserve better we think.

What we must take into account is our attitude.   There is one very immediate term used by the young which I applaud.   Suck it up they say.   Exactly.   Suck it up.  Stay with the program, change our attitude and make it better.    Somebody did it with us at some time.  Remember the lesson.   The fact that we are here and breathing means that the lesson was delivered.  Now it is for us to relearn the meaning.   Perseverance, responsibility, duty and deliverance.   Many are watching us and our performance. Commitment. Show them the time and effort were not misplaced and we are worthy.

This is the classroom.   Paradise is the result

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The Housekeeper

The Housekeeper. Illustration by Claudia Hallissey

There bellows a wind
around the turrets
of the mind’s house,
ripping under gutters,
sweeping under eaves,
leaving no residue.

Clean, chaste
as the sweet wind,
stands she exalted.
Prudently swiping at corners
to eliminate even
the shadow of contamination
on her brother’s name.

In good time,
in due time,
the world will be
swept clean
and her father’s house
will sparkle.

 

 

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Come Into My Kitchen

Come into my kitchen
and use the back door.
Only dear friends are allowed to
walk right into
the center of my home.

Others have to earn the right
by walking through the halls
of my life to get to
the heart of my home.

But you can come
to the back door.

I will let you in.

 

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nuggets

Your heart will teach in ways the world cannot.

 

What is not finished here will be finished elsewhere.
This is called the long view.   It is a choice.

 

When everything becomes a moral decision it
means that issues have been dragged through
the heart.

 

To suffer means to be aware of the damage
you do to the ones you care about.

 

Look always to where the sun rises and sets.  It
is but half a world.

 

Dimensions are but changes in perspective.  As
one world fades, another emerges where we have
earned the right to be.

 

As long as the eye beholds and another heart beats
to receive, there will be reason to keep breathing and
not give up.

 

The unfed Spirit is just as hungry as the unfed body.

 

Remember that when love does not accompany
the gift, there is no gift.

 

Uneventful is a merciful condition and that in itself
is a large blessing.
2

The Strange Bequest

There was a man, a slim man,
whose head was bedecked
with a white cloud
and whose eyes saw dreams
he could not articulate.

He sat one day staring into space
and when I questioned him, he said,
`I am sitting and watching the grass grow.’
I hesitated far too long
and have lived to regret it.

I wish the courage had been mine
to have asked him
to share his dreams with me.
For he bequeathed to me
a mind that does not rest.

I have the thought that his faher
and father before him
wrestled the same misty vision
which now is mine to set in motion.

I question this strange bequest,
for I have not
the staunch heart required
to lay to rest my ancestor’s anguish.

Papa, I plead now,
to replace my heart with hot ore,
inject me with a vial
of celestial courage
and fuse my spine with tempered steel.

There is so little time.
2

The Autumn Night

The velvet night plays host
to the September moon
hanging in suspension in liquid air.
Cold, crisp edges
seal in the lunar landscape,
forgetting for the moment,
the hot sky which sealed our noon.

There comes the night,
in desperation relieving
the cloddish insensitivity visible
in the unrelenting stubbornness of the day,
unable and unwilling to release itself.

With relief,
the jagged beginning of the moon,
just now visible to the naked eye
makes its way across the horizon
of the mental landscape.

Its ridges,
its volcanic valleys split in two
and on the other side of the mind
it falls into the sun to rise
from flames on another night.

Having healed with mystic splendor,
balm for the day's wounds, it rests.
I drink in the day and forget.

But the night . . . the night. . .
now bedded in honor, its place undisputed,
finds my words of gratitude hallow the ground

in worlds unattended.
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A Presence In My LIfe

(In May of 2000 I, with the help of family, had self published
a hard cover book of poetry called Kiss The Moon;  A Woman
Speaks and Gives Grace. Except for a few copies I held back,
500 books were sold.   In the front of the book I explained how
the poetry came to be.   It will help explain  questions put to me
and show the road traveled.  The words are simple,
the work unbelievable.)

The sun was bright coming in through the high windows on
that first day of English Lit at the University.   The professor
was introducing herself  and I don’t know when my attention
wavered but when I looked down I found I had written these words,
`Fear death, ahhhh I do because I love life so much’!  I did not
know where these words came from but it was an affirmation and
I realized they had always been true.   Even today there would be
argument as to their source.  My thoughts mix smoothly with what
I consider a given and myself the instrument through which they
come.  I know when the work is mine.   I also know when a
thought is inserted or given.   And when one is given, there is
a giver or givers.

A leap must be taken when the truth of that statement is
confronted.  It is the reason people go to their places of worship
and as a friend said, that what we  hope is true.  Yet when faced
daily with significant events or thoughts, it is a puzzlement as to
why the  evidence does not speak to the person.   It will
eventually and when it does,  it will be the right time.

For me the beginning was in the classroom but took possession
of  a corner of my mind and stayed there while other things were
happening. Though I was alert to the thoughts that seemed to come
from nowhere,  there was this portion that tested the limits of what
was my history.  And one night while sitting at my desk I found
words tumbling over themselves and when I was finished a poem
was born.  I wondered how this came about and surely I must
have memorized this long ago.   Nowhere could I find this poem
and it was not the kind I would do on my own.  I read it to the family
and they laughed because it was comical, though philosophical,
and we let it go.  No one of course believed how it came to be.

It took a letter to my mother to convince me there was a
Presence in my life.  I started the letter and suddenly the
words were writing themselves and the missive was one of
good thinking and good psychology.  And from that point, the
muses or the Teachers as I called them were my mind
companions.

There are those who say that within the layers of the human
being there is knowledge and this knowledge rises when stresses
demand answers or directions.   This could very well be and
I do not argue this. But when a grateful heart murmurs a thank
you and the response in mind is you’re welcome followed by a
sense of rightness and companionship and love, then one
knows there is a Presence.

It has been a war of words over a lifetime.   A philosophy
has been hammered out and though it may not rest
comfortably with organized religion, still I have woven a
philosophical blanket with mended holes that has managed
to keep me warm.   It has taken all the years of my life and
it has been a hard work.  (I have no words to describe the work
involved.   None in my vocabulary.)  But I would not have
missed a day of it.
4

My Song Goes Out

My song goes out
on the morning air
and penetrates the sky
to where the stars hang heavy.

My lyrics ride the beams
that will meet the sun
and hang in mid-day
until even the grass hears
the melody or the mourning.

Look who it is! they say.
She speaks to us and
we hear, we hear.
And when they ask of me
I will say it is an enchanted place,
this Earth home.

Learn to speak her language
and learn to hear her songs.
Be the lyre on which
her music is played.

The music spells out
a beginning that never was
and an ending that cannot be.
She will tell us of a richness
that is ours

since we first were stars.
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Morning Comes

Img_1607

 

Morning comes

with dew hinting Autumn,
promising a long, clean winter.

 

Schedules are welcomed
and days end
at an appropriate time.

 

Evenings stretch
like warm welcoming mats,
rolling up at our heels
and sealing us in with what

 

will feed our Spirits.

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