Adam, where art thou? . .

(In transferring data into subject titles from my journals for easy reference into the computer, I come across discussions which answer some questions I am now asked.  Some of the discussions have been with our sons whom I have mentioned in my posts.  They have been my best teachers.  In philosophy questions I have bowed to our philosopher lawyer son David who had the patience with me to clarify issues needing light.  In quantum theory all time is simultaneous and because I was born knowing that, (not easy way to live)  it is with no discomfort I speak as if it was yesterday. It will be everyone’s one day.   When I wrote the following in 1981 I was fifty.  Bear with me.)

Adam, where art thou?. . .

When the New Testament talked of the sins of the fathers being visited on the children, we now talk of psychological inequities.  The burden is far more than one generation bearing the problems.  We talk here of generations propounding the original guilt of even having been born.

What did we do to make ourselves walking clinics of all the psychological infirmities ever known to man?  I am not just one bearing witness to my own difficulties.  There are those who sit next to me and across and who have walked before me and still to come.  There is always  one who bluntly says I never needed to see a professional therapist and yet cannot see himself because of the log in his eye.

We are quick to see  the inadequacies in the other and are protected from seeing our own?  We know they would undo us if we probe too deeply our hearts and beneath our skin.  How long dare we blame our mothers and fathers and be blind to seeing how we continue the worn paths walked before?  Yet we do the only thing we know to do with the construction of our minds and bodies.

To change ourselves we must first have an idea of what we want to be.  And then it must be part of every waking moment, hammering at it with no rest.  Who has the time, energy or desire for that?  Our culture and society eagerly sanctions one’s desire to something material or concrete.  Who is going to sanction one’s aspiring, as David says, to sainthood?  But why  saintly to aspire to what is noble and human?

I want to be the most noble human being I can.  If it means putting myself through agonizing times trying to discern my inner motives and feeling about conditional and unconditional love, then so be it.  I need not aspire to sainthood because my godhood is intact.  It always was.  Somewhere along the line we lost our way.  Why, how, I don’t know.  I only surmise.

At the end I want them to say she gave it her best shot.  She learned who her god was and who mine is, loved herself and everyone else.  He (my mentor) did not say how hard it would be to love oneself.  Especially when the world was ready to condemn man en masse.  But he knew man could not love  his neighbor as himself until he saw  his god within himself.  What I granted to me I must grant to the Other.  Holds true for all of us.  If we dismiss others as we dismiss ourselves, it doesn’t say much for our feelings or behavior.

Ye are gods! The scripture says.  Did I not tell you  you are gods he said.  Where stands man who in his heart of hearts would deny his own divinity.  As god stands, man is.  As man stands, god is, I wrote in one of my poems.  Adam, where art thou?

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