To forgive and forget has become a shopworn edict. It can work just so long but when you realize that the god of the other person weighs your interest against his best interest, you might come in second. You can forgive until your face turns whatever color it is not, it still is heavy on the heart.
Forgiveness can only work when we give up hope that the past can be rewritten. Generally the insult or injury is not viewed as such by the other if they are still in our lives. Even when pointed out, there is no ‘I am sorry’ because the other does not see a reason to be sorry. It does not mean that the injuries are not valid. It means that the other has a different frame of reference and heads are different. It means that what is, Is. It does not mean that all things are forgotten, but that from this point on there will be notable changes. How different will depend on what we value. And that is where the hard work of sifting and sorting and building a philosophy begins to accommodate life’s challenges.
Education of people varies so one wonders about credibility. Women stand by erring husbands and often feel guilty. People stand by their governments no matter how rancid, employees stand by employer’s outrageous malfeasance, and children work to cover their parents’ stupidities. Now everyone is to be held accountable. This is how it should be. But it is a challenge.
The question then is how to forgive the daily irritant in our lives, related or not. In this day of DNA , we are more than a little surprised just who our relatives are. The commandment still is to love one another. When we look upon Others as separate from us, we deal with me, my and mine instead of we, us and ours. Open warfare is the agenda and we become Separatists, whether we speak of a person, families or countries.
Forgiveness may be difficult when we cannot accept the effort of Others who behave in a manner that is within their frame of reference or their culture. That path may not be what we can share but we must remember within them also is the earnestness to find a way toward their truth. When we acknowledge our different perspectives and that the past is accepted as past, we can begin to write the script for the future by our actions today, the present.
Let us gift ourselves and make today our present to us.
3 responses to “A Perspective”
Veronica — You’ve taught me that everyone does what they have to. This really explaines what’s happening. Thanks for sharing.
John, And if they knew what else to do, they would do it. A larger frame of reference offers more alternatives.
I love the line about forgiveness and giving up hope that the past can be rewritten. It reminded me of another phrase that I heard and have held on to, it has to do with “obedience to the unenforcable”–having the serenity to accept the things we cannot change.