Not quite 50 when I wrote the following one Saturday night in a September journal entry.
The window is open where I sit and it is black outdoors. The dampness is coming in and I am almost transported to my youth and it is once again life on The Farm. The crickets are making their own kind of noise, certainly peculiar to crickets but the night itself has its own kind of sound. Does stillness have its own sound and can you hear it? The muffle of the daylight brings on the darkness and it pulsates with its own vitality. I wish I had the words to tell it. It is almost as if I can flow right through the screen and become a part of the night and disappear into it. With not even a ripple to disturb the night. The poem said it long ago that somewhere the night has a thousand songs waiting to be sung. But never enough time. Never enough time.
Is there a point in life where if you lived just one day longer, you would find a difference in your perspective and it would convince you that your entire life had been lived with the incorrect premises? I wonder. . . . .And what would that do to you? Would that one day more convince you that it was not necessary to repeat another life or make you more determined to come back to earth and try again? And who has the time in physical life to take on the enormous task of searching for the gods? Can you squeeze it in between the work life and home life and million details of just plain living that boggle the mind? Or will you find it at 11 o’clock on Sunday morning? The search is all encompassing and consuming for those of that persuasion. It amazes me that there are those who give it no thought at all. Can you live a life without searching for some meaning, any meaning? Or is it enough simply to get through it? I wonder what sort of contracts are written before birth to enable one to move through earth life with no complications. Some ground rules must be laid and if so, by whom. Except no doubt by the people involved.
(As the mother of 3 I innately knew and told them as often as I could and always on birthdays that I am glad they chose me as their mother because I chose them. And it was a ready answer for the often adolescent retort which invariably stated. . . .I didn’t ask to be born! Ahhhhh but you did!)
Photo by Joshua Hallissey
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