From a work in progress I speak of beginning my search, because of course the word journey was outside my frame of reference. I had no way of knowing that this was something only the very brave and the well educated ventured on. No one seemed to have answers to my questions and I was told that men in high positions were paid big money and they had no answers so who was I to think I could find answers? All I knew was that I could not continue living with what I thought was unbearable human life. From the time I was a child, I knew that big people lied and made up stories about what they did not know. I was looking for answers to my questions and reading all the books I could find. Paul Tillich, a Theologian, was one of my references and he spoke of ‘the center of our being is involved in the center of all being and the center of all being rests in the center of our being.’ Tillich talked of God as the ‘ground of our Being.’ To me it says that I am the universe and the universe is me. I am in All That Is and All That Is, is in me. In other words, it means that I am in God and God is in me.
Consuming me as I tried to find a palatable meaning of God, one night as I was falling asleep, a pastoral scene was presented and a tree, high grass or grain, was weaving as if wind was blowing. And I thought, this is what God is. A movement, a permeation, a motion. As Buckminster Fuller said, God is a verb, not a noun. Finally after years of frustration, I had been given what for me is an intellectually satisfying answer. And I thanked the Teachers for a vivid answer.
God is a motion, a movement, a permeation. God is the Ground of Our Being, the movement or life force moving through everything. We are united with the life force connecting all. That which holds the All of Being together is what holds us together. That was only the beginning of the endless search. And I learned it was not easy to find cosmic connections in ordinary human life when the hard work of meeting demands of too many needs overwhelm. But if you care enough, really, really care, they are there and you will find them.
A sigh escapes
the sealed lips, betraying
the apparent tranquility
of the soul.
Gestures and cries
articulate the soul’s distress,
the soul’s discontent,
the heart transmutes in silence,
anguished breath, which heaven receives
to return in time, exultant.
than the best turned phrase,
the sigh speaks volumes.
Enamored itself by returning love,
the sigh transposed,
becomes a song of joy.
art by Claudia Hallissey
2 responses to “The God Search”
We have been on similar searches, Veronica. I’m happy that you write about yours, for you give a hard-won description of what I can now feel but cannot express.
All I know is that the journey has been worth it, especially now that I’m older, because I can finally trust my own ‘knowing,’ and truly appreciate finding a kindred spirit who understands.
Suzanne, there are as many reasons as there are people who search, and as many ways to journey. I appreciate your comments. It is good to know when readers can relate to my work.