When I talk in terms of quantum theory, of parallel worlds, or the profound effect the invisible has on the visible world, it was not going to have a name for me until this year of 2015. But a different head was mine from day one. Yet in the late 60’s when the tsunami went crashing in my skull with ocean waves, even the best doctors did not know what happened to me. I was rational and I was articulate and in the dark as the doctors were. I think now of the courage of that young Veronica who, still shaking, was asked to speak of the experience to a huge room of psychiatrists eager to ask questions.
I was still to come upon the works of Jane Roberts and probable selves, or counterparts of ourselves. It was to be my breakthrough and give me a different outlook on myself. Do we shape our future? If I expect a continuity of life, an ever striving, ever learning situation, I will experience it. My friend Dolores expected to walk into the arms of Christ and ‘abide there forever.’ I could not be happy with her philosophy or her faith, yet for her it was correct. My search has not been easy and has been emotionally devastating. Yet I don’t know how I would have coped with life.
There is a rationality and logic to life which I did not find in the orthodox church. Having mentally argued with priests and ministers as they delivered their dogmas since I was five was a tiring exercise. A lifetime of argument is too long.
Intuitively one might know a statement is correct but intellectually find it untenable. An upheaval of a major sort was the only solution. In due time what is meant for you will have to be accepted at whatever cost. Man’s evolution may be delayed but no power can stop it. The following poem was written at the time and I present it now with a fuller understanding that only time can give us.
Where is the counterpart of me
and where did we separate?
A cave, a room, perchance eternity is ours,
from where we came
and to where we will return.
Searching, I seek, that part of me,
a faceless face, a formless form,
substance without substance.
I know not but that it is gone
but when we meet,
it will be Me.
I am come, a part of a whole,
yet wholly here.
My self knows not what love peels
to find the truth of Me.
Tempered by fire, my soul searches,
seeking within the crevices of Being,
the my of mine, the Thy of Thine.
Content no more am I with what I am,
impatient to be freed of me.
I have come into the Light
but what to do?
On the day I was one,
I became two. Now I am two.
What to do but seek and seek again
until I find I walk this Earth not godless.
artwork by Claudia Hallissey