What I have read and heard of independence makes me think I must negate a life of work which I thought meaningful but not in the currency of the day. It seems we lost our sense of interdependency and community and our sense of belonging to the human race. It is evidenced daily by the lack of communication about memories, our ties to the past as almost a temptation to the ugliness of nostalgia.
It appears to be a coward’s way of living instead of living in the moment. But the moment to me has no meaning except what the yesterdays have given to today to give it meaning. It does not preclude my giving new meaning providing the significance of what is brought to the moment by us.
For we are making a memory in the very moment we speak to someone. They will look upon it as memorable or a nightmare. It may not be what is intended but because of their history, our giving to make it momentous, will be compounded by their input because of who they are. And the who they are is what they contribute to this life.
That will be determined by birth, by parenting, by education and apriori, how the twig was bent with history upon entrance to life. All of it goes to determine their survival. Blanket judgements are often made leading one to think one’s life has been for naught , especially in the case of money in our culture. To be accused of using someone as a meal ticket is highly offensive especially when the weight of the burden is unknown.
In a partnership much needs to be considered. When one is caregiver of family along with home and property manager, though money is not brought in, money for services does not leave the premises. These have to be counted as salary for services rendered.
Much is demanded from a union in a complex world, especially with children and in this day, with extended family under one roof. And often the nature of a relationship determines what the surviving spouse needs to complete life. When aging health problems require help, it is a comfort not to use what little energies are left to battle the details of healthcare. Speaking as one who closes a lifetime and able to contribute to the household, it is a relief not to feel a financial burden to the family.
Looking back on the years of marriage to a public person and being the parent on the premises, maintenance and caregiver of property, and yes I was owner of the trimming shears and pruner, shovels and wheelbarrow, the edger, mower, and snowblower and knew where I put them, had I been hired I would have been wealthy after 60 years on the job.
Plus 20 years of on the job training by a mother who was at heart a top sergeant. When a neighbor saw me painting the side of the house he yelled across the street and asked if I was for hire. Mister, I shouted, you cannot afford me and neither can my husband but he doesn’t know it!
We weigh carefully our judgements. Independence is a marvelous word when we are in good health. Until the first calamity we can be reckless. When time comes we all wish for a derrick to get us out of our chairs. It is a sure thing for most of us because medicines keep us breathing but not mobile.
I am grateful for the cherished young who love me.