She was a young friend and unable to see the many aspects of ‘why did I settle for so little?’ with the direction my life took. When the full impact of the time of her birth with the battle for equal rights and the still emerging weight of the question she asked connected, she would know.
It took a lifetime for me to see these aspects of a life making sense. I drew from journals the events that started the journey from the first breath into a family of brothers who hovered and worried about this creature in dresses. And had a mother who if she could would have sent me back to wherever with an ‘I don’t know where she learned that!’ as her mantra.
But circumstances alter cases and turning sour after the birth of my youngest, the hand extended to say it was all right to leave, but I could not take it. I asked who will take care of the children? They grew beneath my heart, so they were mine to care for. And became the jewels of my life, priceless, irreplaceable and with joy.
Unforeseen circumstances demanded constant attention. Heard were the words, I won’t, not mine, I’m late already, you do it, or I can’t with surprised vomiting or alas, pleading the fifth! With a running out the door. I ask again, who will take care of the children? I already knew they were clutched within the hiding places in the big bodies.
We see only a small segment of this linear life. It appears complete but it is vast. In a teaching dream my brother Stanley said to me, look, let’s get this part of life done right! So let’s and as Dr. Heinz my dear doctor said, Veronique! All I can handle is one life at a time!
So we work with this life and try to get it right. Some of us just have more thrown at us that we have to deal with alone. So be it.
The following poem was written in February of 2017. The above mini introduction I hope explains a little the life leading to the poetry.
What’s the harm in it?
one asks, sitting in the sun,
wind lifting tired hair.
She answers, no harm at all,
with two old friends breaking bread.
It is good to recall once fresh dreams.
Everything gained they agree.
Lives lived splendidly according to script.
Lives mortgaged knowingly so the Other
could know their moment in the sun.
They needed to learn they were worthy.
For us it seemed we chose it to be
a time out for us. We raise our cups
in tribute to the great plan enfolding us.
Evolution. . . choosing to make this difference.
artwork by Claudia Hallissey