A Mother’s Lament. . . not knowing how to love. . . .


She lamented after birthing eight children. . . and in her last days, was sorry because she knew how difficult life had been for me.  I didn’t know how to love she said.  Nobody taught me.  And with the person who meant so much to her, her mother who did not rescue her, she never knew a mother’s hug nor a beating heart next to her cheek.

And it was another checkmark next to an emotion that has to be learned on this Earth planet.  With due respect to the counselor who ascribed to feelings are not facts, except in the process of learning to trust yourself and they are your feelings.  And trusting your feelings is a great step in learning to trust yourself.

When talking this over with my sister, she said she didn’t believe anyone cannot love a baby when they put that baby in your arms!  There’s a world of unloved babies who grow to be unloved adults who never had a mother’s arms around them with a hug.  Nor a breast against their cheek just to be loved close.

I had no clue when I cut a piece of sour cream coffee cake this morning, it would give rise to tears of memory.  Invited by a neighbor that snowy moving in March day with 3 children to dinner at their home, the first time coffee cake as dessert became special.

She gave me the recipe and another memory of her in tears at my door when she failed a son.  She did not know what to say when his baby died that she never met.  Though she cared for her son, the emotion was not real because the baby was not real.

When his mother died, we met and talked and overcome with emotion, the son was grateful  feelings were still hers.  He was afraid she had none though he was raw with them.  Evidence that those who are born to us sometimes come from different worlds than we do.

We are labeled needy, called drama ridden,  frequently shouted because Ma, she’s crying again!  We remember being loved, somewhere cherished and missing it sorely this time.  But too many neither know of love or close off the channel never wanting to know the pain again of not being loved.

On this Mother’s Day, to those bereft of arms, open yours, embrace those nearest and hold close the babies.  Let them be raised knowing the close presence of a beating heart next to their cheek.

It was an ancient belief that the Mother God would be the healing salve for reconciliation.  Be that Earth God to bring peace on this day.


artwork by Claudia Hallissey


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