We look at the same things we say. The things we look at are there, but what we see is not the same. I repeat again the time I was asked by the psychiatrist when my world crashed what I saw going down Michigan avenue. I closed my eyes and told him and when done he whistled through his teeth and said, ‘you realize that other people do not see what you see.’ And when I was silent said, ‘you don’t.’
All my life I tried to be like others and thought I was. But was constantly told to be careful what I say. My mother first cautioned me and I did not know why until I heard her justifying to her priest, denying her teaching me what I talked about. ‘I don’t know who teaches her!’ Except I was a kid and did not have a social life outside of grammar school.
I was a farm kid in my teenage years and rode the bus to school with my siblings and came home with them on the same school bus.
My love of learning prevailed and I later tutored my fiance thru Officer Training (while we were in Military life). Married at 20 and pregnant for the first three years, I did the homework for my husband (straining to support us) for his Master’s social work with good reviews and marks saying homework essays were good thinking and outside the box with A’s.
Since we depended on the public for our living, I was cautioned daily to watch what I said so as not to lose public support. Three years in a new city with little money and no family to call on and being parent on premise and home maintenance manager left me a shambles. Rebuilding began.
I have written about journaling and study so I have notes, over a half century of them backing my writing. My perception has always been criticized because I assumed I saw what others saw. I will be 91 in May and I have finally made peace with what I see. And what I hear. Why has it taken almost a hundred years?
Our family friend John says maybe my survival depended on my thinking I was not different and yet this difference in perception allowed me to live. The bareness of others’ sight would have killed me. Just as criticizing my interpretation of what others are saying, by elevating their thoughts, I give them the highest meaning I know. To hear another say that was not what was meant. . but that was what I heard. I must believe what I see and hear. My life depends on whether it is a real car I see jumping the curb.
I scribe my teachers calling my perception kaleidoscopic. I will quote from a journal entry editing best as I can aspects of what has taken me almost a hundred years to live with and now talk about.
The journal date is Oct 24, 1991. It came about with a dream of Pewabic pottery of which I knew nothing. I scribed. . .
‘You were working with tiles and with the pottery from a distant past. The materials were not as ancient as you depict simply because they were of borrowed times. When speaking of borrowed times, within the past and present, or past and future there is a melding that defies the linear description common to where you are. If we take the computer where you sit and work and transport it to another time, it would not have the functions but the rudiments would be the same. Ability to work with the hands would be utilized and the time differential would be such that there would be little difference except in the illusion, i.e.materials.
Even the seepage would be there, the machine and in some form a part of where you would be, and what you would be doing. Hence the term, bleed through. It seems that this area of thinking is common to you and presents so much difficulty for you see what you see from a kaleidoscopic view bringing into focus bits and pieces of several dimensions.
It is a difficult state to be in but you can utilize this by taking a more comprehensive look at things and bringing to it what you can see with eyes that work a bit differently.
It would seem that from a distance all would be of a piece, but when the eyes view a particular scene with so much input from other dimensions, a new dimension is thus created.
You would then find others dismiss as inconsequential what you see, which is not the case. For what you see is many dimensional and the differing perspectives that you propose would do much to enhance the ability of others to understand those things needing a larger premise.
But when you describe your Pewabic dream you already ask the question what were you doing there and when was this. You already have the ability to ensconce yourself in the time frame you wish to work. Dreaming is the dimension where you learn what it is you do and bring your abilities to bear. You utilize the classrooms everywhere and mesh with folks of the times. They know you and wish for your coming. You speak their languages and understand their desires speaking to their hearts. We ask too, how does she do this? By thrusting your heart into place and using it as your springboard.
What we ask now that you present this from such a limited piece of a dream so vividly, that you take the information and relay it. Do not lay down the tools you have been given. Time now to give to others some semblance of stability in a time of no normalcy.’
It seems like it has been a walk in the park. It has not. This has been the hardest life lived. David asked just before he left us how did I know to do it? Do what, David, what did I do?
I was born with an open head and remembered the world that taught me my word is my bond, my honor, my trust and my love. Where other worlds here are questioned, it is hard to know of other worlds and pretend you don’t so they won’t call you crazy. But to go to church with hope that the God you believe in speaks true of life everlasting, no one questions .
Someone cared enough to stay the route and showed me what unconditional love was. The lesson was taught well because it has been the rod that held me upright. I don’t remember the teacher but obviously that Someone was a good teacher. The lesson took but the teacher was the example with no name.
Kaleidoscope perspective pertains to a new way of seeing. I did and therefore you will do also. The Jenny genes lodged in all of us and it has been a hard row to go. The numbers are many and some have been tragic. Hopefully the successes when counted will be many. Familiar? Evolution is what it is called. Do for one and all will do.
But apply this precept to other forms of life. Like to that of birds or other creatures who do momentous things. The question arising, is how do they do that? Or why? See where it takes one? The learning never stops and life becomes a virtual wonderland. Try it on for size.
Trust me, boring will not be a word you use.