Archive | January, 2017

Beneath My Heart. . .

I was lying in the hospital bed and knowing that my body was having a difficult time.  I was clear of head knowledgeable when I saw the figure at the foot of my bed.  And an arm was raised clothed in a grey robe and the hand was outstretched.  I lay there with both arms rigid by my body like dead weights.  I could not lift them if I had wanted to, even  if I felt that my life depended on me lifting them.

I was not surprised by the visit nor frightened but somehow with an of course.  My question was,  ‘but who would take care of the children?’  There was no answer and the figure faded away.   The nurse walked in and took one look at me and said Oh my god and turned and ran.  She came back with an injection and murmured something about turning sour.

There have been several incidents of this nature in my life which threatened the insecure security of many people close to me.  The science doctors have done an excellent job of disclaiming any experiences like this  to convince people that only what can be seen and measured and named is real.

I have felt my commitments strongly and had always assumed other people felt the same.  That they do not is an aspect of humanity and evolution I have had a difficult time dealing with.  I still have mountains to climb.  One though I was born not having to is that my arguments with heaven are real and because as my mentor promised my eyes are not veiled and my ears are not clogged,  I see and hear.  When I choose not to comment,  it is to preserve peace.

On the eve of our son David’s birthday who transited 32 years ago when he was 31,  I wish to thank him again and again for reaffirming my philosophy and verifying that the unseen is as much of an obstacle as the seen and most often a help.  He was a philosophy major firstly and a lawyer to boot,  and I still miss his conversation, arguments and his eloquence.  But most of all,  thank you David for choosing me as your mother for this leg of the journey because I chose you.


(the following was written in response to a cosmic question)

Beneath My Heart. . .

How could I not love them?
They grew beneath my heart,
waiting for my heart to beat
so that theirs’ would continue beating.

Did you not think
I would not know that?
And they would be reason enough
for me to keep breathing?

You did not know me. . .
Like a bear
I would fight for my cubs.
I made them. . .

They wear my name
and one day they
will remember. . .

who taught them about love.


Thoughts To Ponder. . .


Isolation is a cold place to be.  One needs to warm  up from the inside.  One can be isolated in a crowd.


All Beings are not born with the same kindnesses.


Your god speaks to you in many voices.


I do not like to think the god within has not evolved further than the human who houses him.  It gives credence to the Lucifer angel.


Memories are tied in a double knot with things one would like to forget.  Forgetting comes only when lessons are learned from the undesirable memories.


To some survival means learning as much as one can and to others it means simply breathing.


When you become accountable you pay your dues in all matters.


Life has the final word by having us love in the present what one hated in a previous time.  Life balances.


How life has been lived defines the person.


We are given the privilege to bless.  When mankind shrinks from the task, then bless.  Blessings bestowed on man brings peace, when offered to the heavens, bring miracles.


Will It Be Me?

Jane Roberts in the 60’s and 70’s when I discovered her and her Seth books,  was talking about quantum physics.  She didn’t call it that but Seth was saying that all time is simultaneous.  And she had physicists calling her because even then they were silently interested in what Seth had to say.

And she channeled Seth saying  there are probable selves, all existing or living at the same time.  That there are bleed through with some of these selves and I write about them in my poetry.  And I am aware by emotions mostly,  of something going on that concerns me.

Like at that convention we had attended when a public official came to me in Munich and said when we talked in Paris the week before I did not say I would be attending this meeting.  I had never been in Paris and told him we had not met and he became angry.  He said he held his esteemed position because he never forgot a face or who he talked to!

So I write.  Of this life and from other dimensions.  I am not sure from where my thoughts come  that I am aware of things and how they seem to rise to consciousness.

I had spoken about these memories only rarely.  It is why I was cautioned every time I left the house.  Be careful what you say in public I was told.  I have since made friends with myself and now share my histories.

Will It Be Me?

Pulsing my perimeter are doubts
raising hackles to be heard and its twin
demanding not to undo. . .

Perhaps the only order is what we create
with rumor telling us that the world
was created for art’s sake. . .

There are brief, shiny moments where if I were
brave enough I would take my leave but they are
so rare they quickly disappear like a poet’s dream.

Could it be done where I would be
whisked away to that place farther than
the sun and closer than the moon?

It will be an emptying that fills to the brim,
a conversation with no words, hearing the cacophony
of silence and a chorus of angels pulling me home.

It will only be at that precise moment.
Every entry and every departure is a precise one.
How many came and how many will depart?

I formed the question only because I know the answer.
The pulsing is there and with it a haunting
that the answer pulses.  If I reach out, it will be there.

If I reach out, will it be me?



art by Claudia Hallissey


When The Fir Tree Stood. . .

There will be those who question whether it is my memory of having lived a life or many during the formation of this Earth or whether it is genetic memory passed through the ages and lodged within my mind.  Or possibly a parallel life living in the capacious present since all time is simultaneous as the quantum people say and is happening now and mine to pick up.  Does it really matter?  What it has done to me in my life with my perspective is make me very aware of my behavior.  What I have not wanted was to cause painful memories for someone .  It is a hard way to live but it leaves fewer heartaches.   To pull your actions through your heart teaches you a lot about yourself.  Probably more than you wish to know as you head toward the exit gate.

When The Fir Tree Stood. . .

There was a time
when the fir tree stood
proud and tall and
with its essence could
make us drunk.

It was a fair country,
somewhere in that cold land
where only the hardy
lived to tell of it.

We smoked the fowl
that became our meals
with the fish caught by
nets skimming beneath the ice.

The smells were of Earth
and its parts, crisp and
broken into shards.
The more of us were happy though.
We knew the needs of all
and our wants were few.

Somewhere in time,
we cast our lots and became
the favored people.
We think now of
the differences and wish times
could be for a moment exchanged,
if only to remember the taste of

a pure and whole sense of truth.


We All Take The Journey. . . sometime. .



We All Take The Journey. . . sometime

When I approach a subject that some find uncomfortable, I am told bluntly, I don’t want to go there.  Some people simply find it untenable to think outside their comfort zone.

But we all will take the journey to the center of who we are at some time.  If we are in a relatively comfortable place,  in a relatively stable condition, now would be the time to do it.  The next place of habitation might not be so comfortable.  And there may not be a voice who will tell you that they have gone the route and have survived the sink holes.

I realize many take a dim view of things that do not match the qualities of mind I swim with.  We are given sufficient qualities to match who we are and what we attempt.  I have often beat the air with clenched fists shouting I don’t need another mountain to climb!  Do ye hear me?   And you will too.

And you will find that you qualify and are strengthened and will be grateful that you have proved that strength to your self.  You will be glad that there were others who survived the deep and find that you can too.

It Makes Little Difference

It makes little difference
the road you take to master this.
For to get to where you are,
the way makes no matter
but the destination is what
leaves its mark.

Centuries on the road
brought this to you, this awesome
view that struck your heart
to shatter it.

You went down on knees
too stiff to note the pain
but surely the heavens knew
the custom derived from it.

We cherish the journeyer,
the traveler, the one,
who found no words to match
the awe struck heart.

It makes little matter what touched
home in the trunks of the trees,
in the music of the wind
rising to the acapella, rising,
still rising to the onrushing tears.

We are home.  We are home
and nothing else matters,  other
than we set the bar for others to cross.
They will, but not until they know
that the pursuit begins in the heart. . .

and ends there.



Affirmation For All Of Us. . .

                                                                                                                                                                                    Affirmation For All Of Us. . . 

Many times I come across something in my journals I would like to share.  It could be a feeling or a thought connected with some of my reading,  but mostly it is because my thought processes were of  things I held in high value.  Such was the entry 15 years ago and I found my thoughts have expanded and gained depth.  I think there are readers whose thoughts parallel mine and perhaps it would be comforting to know someone has gone the route.  I wrote. . .

When I was sitting upstairs I had a feeling pass over me that said to me and not for the first time, that this is not all that important, that this world is but a fragment of what reality truly is.  The reality is that there is no reality.  That as we cross over this fades in importance and takes its place in the memory bank, in memories and becomes a rolling file, a vault where we go back and remind ourselves of what was, of what could have been but mostly of how it came about because of who we were.  If I were asked is there something else to do, the answer would be not unless we seek it out. 

Not unless we knock on that door until it must be opened, not unless we feel the heart surge in yearning for knowledge.  Not just one time or two times but we live with the yearning.  We must have it as a constant in our lives if there is to be change.  And then the way will be shown.  And as we grow in understanding, as we broaden our premises, then we will be able to absorb and integrate more and more that now seems foreign to our natures.  Do we discard everything we learned?  Sometimes.  And sometimes not.  I don’t know I can envision the person I hope I become before I become someone else for another time.

 As I have said, it is so tiring running back to who I was and running ahead to who I will be.  It is all a body can do for now.  But the feeling was choice.  It is almost as if I know already that the minutes before or the time in preparation will be fluid before crossing over.  That there will be a time where I will put things in perspective and make the crossing with as much ease as possible.  That it won’t be hard and also that the distance is not all that great.  Not from one dimension to another.  It is only from here to there.  From one degree a variation to another.  But in that variance there is a change in worlds that is magnificent.

I did not read Michael Talbot’s book The Holographic Universe about the revolutionary quantum theory of reality until 2015.  I learned then that when I was born I must have had my hesitations     firmly ensconced and have walked with one foot in other worlds.   I have always grappled with differences and other perspectives.  For others like me,  I hope this is comforting, knowing there is affirmation for all of us.



photo by Joshua Hallissey


Once A Dream. . . (it is what it is)



Once a Dream. . .

The windows are askew,
even broken in some panes.
The jambs at angles
leaning drunkenly.

I know they were a dream
in some distant place,
driving a soul
to unbelievable ends,
putting hopes together
to hold the dream aloft;

a boundary only
to keep it from crashing
before the loose edges
could be tightened. . .

The dream has
been dreamed and
brought to fruition.  Finished.
The people lived
and are scattered now
to worlds formed by new dreams.
It is how it is.

Now we see
the shell of a house,
the skeleton of it all
standing as an icon
to what once was born as
an idea of a personal world

having seen its day.


Photo by
Jon Katz of Bedlam Farm


An Advanced Form Of Thinking. . .


An Advanced Form Of Thinking. . .

When the doctor stood at the door of the ward and worried and mourned the death of the newborns and their mothers,  he observed the young doctors moving from one bed to another.  He noted also they only wiped detritus from their hands with a dirty rag.  Could they be carrying something from one to the other?  And he instituted the washing of hands between patients.  And the babies stopped dying and so did their mothers.

He connected the dots.  He worried long and hard enough and came to conclusions.  Not all persons know enough to worry.  Worry is an advanced form of thinking.  It is impossible for some people because they simply do not know enough to see cause and effect.  Some see only their own position in a problem and do not know how to encircle the problem.  To achieve a rounded out human being who understands the fuller picture,  we have to introduce more levels of experience, which is a reason some know more and hence the worrier.

When this planet, our Earth, is called a classroom of high order,  it is because it is of advanced education, and has advanced classes.  One crisis after another is chosen to further our advancement of more chosen work.  When we complete a class,  we move on to another.  Not easy and we have the choicest planet.  It is with ultimate concern we who see the devastation of this natural classroom worry that future generations will not have it in their lifetimes.

It is with a sacred blush that we who have loved it to distraction ask that its inhabitants become worriers on purpose.  Study the behaviors that have led to these elements of crises before our beloved best school of thought is destroyed beyond repair.  Not everyone knows enough to worry.  Let us be the ones who are smart enough to do so.  And perhaps we who worry enough to do something,   will know that it is an advanced form of thinking that will save us all.

(excerpt from No Space To Grow Bread)

My Earth is in peril and
the classroom is in jeopardy.

There is no room and
our Earth is splitting its seams.
In good conscience,
no longer can we go forth and multiply.

There is no place and no space to grow bread.


Imaging. . .


Imagination. . .

some say it is conjecture,
a figment of mind,
not real.

I visit it often
as it is a place for me.
It is part of my

In a certain place
and a certain time
we fall into a rhythm;
it is a dance.

We learned our steps
and our feet
did our beckoning.
But it was to our music
that we danced.

I am for real as
I can be and you, too.
Unless you think I am
a figment of imagination
and then of course, you?

Perhaps, we then
can be visited often
as a place of conjecture.

Large as life?


art by Claudia Hallissey


Owning The Experience. . .


Owning the experience. . .

He was just seven years old and hurt and  upset because his brothers and his dad questioned his knowledge. How do you know, they asked him, how do you know?  He stormed past the dining room table and shouted at them.  I know that I know!  And I heard an ancient head saying the same words and was amazed at this younger of mine.  Of course you do, I said, of course.  And I hugged him because when you know something and do not question yourself, you hold the oldest and first keys.  You had the best mentor and metaphysician and were loved greatly.

A reader wrote to me and said there is a great distinction between knowing and information. She was right and few people would be able to differentiate between the two words.  Many gather information and can quote others profusely.  They can say what others have said and use the same words.  But they cannot use their own words because the experience is not theirs.  It makes all the difference.

As long as the experience misses them they have not the words to describe it.  Only their God Within knows the footwork not done. Their language  consists of information and not their knowledge.  My seven year old spoke from an ancient knowledge.  To know you know means you own the knowledge.  And only you and your God Within knows of your footwork to own the experience.  And the cost of how many lifetimes. . .


Toward Greater Life. . .

The heart searches parameters
for openings unto worlds
not torn by those intent
on limiting knowledge. . .

always searching
for ones to willingly embrace
the differences challenging
the hesitant heart. . .

We look toward the union
of heart and mind
with the litigious veins
of knowledge, pushing like sludge
thickly through rock. . .

eager to consign edges
toward greater life. .
knowing always the
least demanding would be
the most sought for.
Even the tardy would give
evolution a jump start.

Never insulting the slower envoy,
always grateful for the god participants,
the larger reality scoops forever
the narrow focus. . .

giving eternity’s starters new life and hope.



photo by
Joseph Hallissey Sr.


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