A Presence In My LIfe

(In May of 2000 I, with the help of family, had self published
a hard cover book of poetry called Kiss The Moon;  A Woman
Speaks and Gives Grace. Except for a few copies I held back,
500 books were sold.   In the front of the book I explained how
the poetry came to be.   It will help explain  questions put to me
and show the road traveled.  The words are simple,
the work unbelievable.)

The sun was bright coming in through the high windows on
that first day of English Lit at the University.   The professor
was introducing herself  and I don’t know when my attention
wavered but when I looked down I found I had written these words,
`Fear death, ahhhh I do because I love life so much’!  I did not
know where these words came from but it was an affirmation and
I realized they had always been true.   Even today there would be
argument as to their source.  My thoughts mix smoothly with what
I consider a given and myself the instrument through which they
come.  I know when the work is mine.   I also know when a
thought is inserted or given.   And when one is given, there is
a giver or givers.

A leap must be taken when the truth of that statement is
confronted.  It is the reason people go to their places of worship
and as a friend said, that what we  hope is true.  Yet when faced
daily with significant events or thoughts, it is a puzzlement as to
why the  evidence does not speak to the person.   It will
eventually and when it does,  it will be the right time.

For me the beginning was in the classroom but took possession
of  a corner of my mind and stayed there while other things were
happening. Though I was alert to the thoughts that seemed to come
from nowhere,  there was this portion that tested the limits of what
was my history.  And one night while sitting at my desk I found
words tumbling over themselves and when I was finished a poem
was born.  I wondered how this came about and surely I must
have memorized this long ago.   Nowhere could I find this poem
and it was not the kind I would do on my own.  I read it to the family
and they laughed because it was comical, though philosophical,
and we let it go.  No one of course believed how it came to be.

It took a letter to my mother to convince me there was a
Presence in my life.  I started the letter and suddenly the
words were writing themselves and the missive was one of
good thinking and good psychology.  And from that point, the
muses or the Teachers as I called them were my mind

There are those who say that within the layers of the human
being there is knowledge and this knowledge rises when stresses
demand answers or directions.   This could very well be and
I do not argue this. But when a grateful heart murmurs a thank
you and the response in mind is you’re welcome followed by a
sense of rightness and companionship and love, then one
knows there is a Presence.

It has been a war of words over a lifetime.   A philosophy
has been hammered out and though it may not rest
comfortably with organized religion, still I have woven a
philosophical blanket with mended holes that has managed
to keep me warm.   It has taken all the years of my life and
it has been a hard work.  (I have no words to describe the work
involved.   None in my vocabulary.)  But I would not have
missed a day of it.

My Song Goes Out

My song goes out
on the morning air
and penetrates the sky
to where the stars hang heavy.

My lyrics ride the beams
that will meet the sun
and hang in mid-day
until even the grass hears
the melody or the mourning.

Look who it is! they say.
She speaks to us and
we hear, we hear.
And when they ask of me
I will say it is an enchanted place,
this Earth home.

Learn to speak her language
and learn to hear her songs.
Be the lyre on which
her music is played.

The music spells out
a beginning that never was
and an ending that cannot be.
She will tell us of a richness
that is ours

since we first were stars.

Morning Comes



Morning comes

with dew hinting Autumn,
promising a long, clean winter.


Schedules are welcomed
and days end
at an appropriate time.


Evenings stretch
like warm welcoming mats,
rolling up at our heels
and sealing us in with what


will feed our Spirits.

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How And Why

A grandson asked me to explain how my writing comes about.  
How I give birth to things and the meaning of some articles and poems. 
Some authors and musicians have said that the words and music are
heard with an inner ear.  Often writers will say they are writing with the flow.
Ralph Waldo Emerson said we must keep the pipes free and clear so that
we will hear the muses speak.  And with me the words will be there and it
is all I can do to put them down as fast as I can or like Emerson I am
in dialogue with the muses.  Other times when I am out of sync,  I
struggle for words.  To be able to say this means that time has been
given to learning what life means to me and how I respond to it.  I had to
find a balance with what I was taught and what I was experiencing. 
It is not easy to make inroads. It is not easy being different.  In another
time I would be called a mystic.  This is someone who has an inner
life with a connection to things invisible and intangible, but altogether valid.
To me life is a continuum.  We come from a somewhere and
we go to a somewhere we have earned the right to be.

I grew up in a family that took life seriously.  I wish we had laughed
more, just as I wish I had not spent 18 months in a hospital when I
was ten with a bone problem. (Penicillin came to market two months
after I was discharged from the hospital.)These were conditions that
shaped me.  The worst being separated from my siblings.  There were
eight of us and even though the country was still recovering
from the Depression, I felt rich.  There were six brothers and
two sisters so how could we be poor?   We had each other.

The previous post on the loss of our son’s baseball tournament I
realized  was also for me.  I needed to see the words written to realize
that the rules applied to me as well.   The same rules applied to
everything I have done in my 80 plus years.  First and foremost were
family and home and all that implied with its care.   All the other things,
the writing and independent study which I did when the rest of the world
slept were to make inroads for me.  What have I learned by digging
beneath the rock of who I am?  That there is a substance, a weight,
a something metaphysical hidden in all of us within our skeletons.

There is a fountain of lore within us.  When we apply what it is we
have learned in this life we come up with things that tell us where
we have traveled spiritually. I make connections.  Some people have
difficulty with this.  I connect life’s events and draw my invisible lines
and see no division in any of it.  It unites in my thinking and I wonder
how it has escaped those in power in high places who have the clout
to do something.  I have a son who told me that I make vacuuming a
spiritual experience.  Perhaps I do for am I not a steward of this
place I inhabit?  This continuous thread has been mine since childhood.
I link everything to All That Is.  Some would call it God and others
Jehovah and still others what they think Highest and Best.  I see
this link in games of children to those of adults as they dress
their lives with needed illusions.   The rules are for real and the
stakes are us.  We either are the victory and our gods the victors or not.

A friend tried to convince me that this is an impersonal world
and not to be taken personally.  I say this is my world and I will do
what is mine to do to the best of my ability because I do take it
personally.  We must or else it will perish.  Every action has
consequences, good or ill.   The roads connecting us to All That Is
are peculiarly ours because of our thinking.  What we learn are codes
or Beliefs to live by.  If the rules work in one place, they should without
bias work again.  If our  rules do not have favorable results,   we must
dig deeper and work some more.  We are talking about life and it may
take the rest of our lives to find the why of it.  Worth it?   Utterly.

The principles apply.   Universal principles apply and will work in
other places and times.  These are known as true values.  True
values do not change.   Because the substance of them has a
weight our hearts will recognize instantly.

Quantum,  sumus, scimus.    We are what we know.

The Explanation

It was with stony disbelief
they watched as I slowly lifted
the strands of hair at the back of my head.
And when they blinked,  I smoothed
the disarray and said, did you see them?

I, of course, had grown another
set of eyes on the back of my head.
But only after the children came, of course.
The other one, in front, I pointed out,
set between the other two like yours,
I've always had and thought the world did too.
It helped me to reach places like your heart.

You always had a key to my head, one said
and I was shocked.   I did not know that I did.
I did not mean to invade your privacy.
And another, breathless, shaken, rushed
into the house one foggy night
and said, you won't believe this!   (But I did.)
There they were on bicycles all five abreast,
dressed in white.   They stayed in front of me
till I turned the car at the corner, home.
And then they vanished you wailed.
And I said, I know, I know, they are your friends.

And another said, we are the listeners.
The world does not listen but we hear.
The raindrops speak to the windowpanes
and apologize for clouding their vision.
And the windows say my eyes needed washing anyway.  
And I say, you know, you know.

We hear the anguish of the world in motion,
in the raucous laughter in words unsaid, said.
They see the world in shades of white and black,
denying spectrums of themselves in brilliant hue.
These souls who question us
are sight and sound and color blind,

living in a world of no dimension.

In Consort

I seek solitude
in that part of mind in consort
with the ancient gods.

We whisper great truths
and often chuckle at the simplicity
of man’s complex thoughts
and of the complexity
of the simple word.

It all must do
with the feelings of the times.
For in ours, when our time was,
we laughed and imbibed
and made babies like ourselves.

Yes, we know
this has not changed,
but the difference always is
the character of the peoples.
It seems that once we were
and knew for all time
we would always Be.

But now man works and plays
and does not know
there will be other worlds and times
and as many chances as he needs
to make amends to get it right.

Without the toys.

The Leader Coach

I was thinking of our son's disappointment in the baseball tournament.  He coached
the team and they lost.  He poured himself into them and it just did not come
together.  Another place, another time, I told him.  It will happen I should have said.
His disappointment was keen and I could not take it seriously I said.  They had 
always told me that I did not see how crucial games were.  What I realized is
that one cannot orchestrate the outcome of anything.   One can pour oneself into
something, instil one's best and highest motives and desires but one cannot
orchestrate the outcome.  And perhaps the outcome truly is not that important.
But the process is.

What we teach to whomever we are in charge of we can determine by examining
our motives and intentions.  We w ill teach along the way those things which fit
into the process of maturation of an Other.  We will teach those things we are
proud of and those things we will heatedly say we never intended.  So it is
imperative that our lessons not give crossed signals.   We need to know why we
needed to win and why to lose was so undesirable.  We need to know what we
intended to prove.  Perhaps what we also need to know is what we taught along
the way and how it helped for good,  constructively, to enhance a life.

Did someone learn that discipline was crucial to keeping a job, a marriage
intact, a family?   Did someone learn that motive, desire was crucial to spark
the continuation of a life or many lives?  Did someone learn that practice can
be a method of discipline, that practice ensures that one can be at home
with anything not attempted before and that learning never stops?  Did we
teach that joy could be found in doing with one's body, mind and soul a
task that once seemed undesirable by changing one's attitude and saying,
`this I can do because it needs doing and because I see it as mine to do?'
Do I see my participation in this part of life as privilege and not as duty?

Did someone learn that to do one's best is what is required of life and in
doing so no regrets will burden them?  And was there a camaraderie,
a dedication to a joint effort and a love borne by all for each because
of the sharing of motive and intentions?  Did they all come through
happy to have participated and adding a dimension of success because
the individual's success depends on the cooperation of the all?

If the ball tournament brought these things home to some, then there
was no loss and the coach stands as leader.  A win does not necessarily
mean a successful team.  What one learns is what determines a winner
in the process.   The process is never finished.

For if it were finished, we also would be and the final page would be writ.
Who among us would say we've learned it all and played the last game while
breath is still ours?

(This was from a journal I had kept many years ago with a copy to our
son.  It is valid today and he agrees.)

Rest well, Sailor

So in this night
when you lie still
and listen for the rain,
listen for the wind,
listen for the stars
moving about the sky,
listen also for your heartbeat.
It is steady and it is sure.

It beats for all your commitments,
both loving and lovable.
You are an important adjunct to this world
and you cannot estimate your good.

Rest well, sailor, rest well.
The seas have been rocky
but now we come to the inlets
that will take us to port.
There will be no tug
to bring in the ship.

She will make it on her own power.
So, rest well,  sailor,  rest well.

The Beginning

There is a mountain top sitting on the edge of nowhere eager for attention.   Eager for those with a need to know to start the journey.   Eager also to dispense knowledge where there will be help.

We ask with great hope for the kind of help given by those who have been driven by a knowledge only given by a life devoted to learning about Self.

We hold these truths solidly for a lifetime because they have been researched with the knowledge driven by a higher desire.

Never asked for because it was not even known to exist.   Never asked for because there was nothing ever in the history of the Pilgrim to know such knowledge existed.   Science has always said that only bodily  senses were the only valid senses.  But the Pilgrim now knew that to be wholly aware was valid.  Senses held by the whole person was the only way to learn that to know means to access the unknowable and a way to know truth.

Eager always for the way to be clear means to research, to unearth one's self.  For the only way to the center of the truth would be straight on through one's self, through the psyche holding information for the price of life everlasting.

It is never evident at the start that there will be lessons to tear the heart apart.   But the only way is the step first taken inward.   Where it will lead is the surprise and the way.   The journey is a long one.   But for the journeyman it is the only way to go.  Home is the destination.

It is a long way home.

The Healer

The storm clouds gather
and fear mounts,
harnessing power
which once were emotions
struggling for expression.

Like the great god Zeus,
brandishing his hot irons,
lightening arcs
across the night sky.

Thunder, like rolling kegs of dynamite,
flatten systems of tarnished beliefs,
leaving in its wake,
profound silence.

Forgotten are the thoughts
heavy with the weight of worry,
heavy with the futility
of life lived with no hope.

In her great capacity to heal,
Nature combines with man's emotions
to leave in her wake
renewed purpose,

if only to get things back to abnormal.

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